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| Photo courtesy of Yoann Boyer, via unsplash.com |
It is always a sacred experience for me to be held by water. I swim each day. I love the Sea. I love the Great Lakes - with my Father in our boat we fished for hours together in sacred silence.
I know it is not a coincidence, if anything it is a Sacred Acts-cident to remind me so clearly that I am not alone and that everything I have done, without knowing it, has been held by the Sacred Waters of birth and re-birth, part of a long circuitous sacred path, a watery Camino of sorts.
First Mate is the one who reminded me in Polish-English, that I have been on a different sort of Camino this time. How right he is. He recognizes that I am not a tourist. He connects with my Pilgrim Soul, that for me all is a journey of spirit.
I sometimes feel that I will burst with the blessings that are mine to hold and to share. I see how I have been used to bring possibility, joy, relief, for individuals and for suffering groups of people. I have personally suffered great loss during this Pilgrimage. I have sobbed heart wrenching sobs and felt the pain of such deep grief that I believed life was over for me, parts of my life did end during this time. These endings have occurred on different levels of being and over lifetimes of existence.
I was so overwrought, I almost missed the power of the “INITIATION” I was receiving. It took my Beloved Nephew and Journey Companion to point it out to me. I still have much to learn about all of this. Ask questions, if you like, your questions may help me to unpack the depth of this heart breaking experience that I continue to unravel. How can one in such deep pain be a deliverer of rich blessing? Ponder that one!
The Captain of the ship referred to me in writing as a “good fairy “ Interesting? especially for one who has a close relationship with Angels, “Fairies”? How could he know anything about me? I learn again and again, that simply our PRESENCE speaks to those around us. Who I am and how I show up makes all the difference and it is the only way that I know of to change the world.
I do want to do my part to change the world, don’t you? We have a huge task that we slide into one little step at a time. But step in, I must! and we are never TOO OLD to begin what has already been done in us.
When I embarked on this journey I told myself that I wouldn’t let anyone know who I was or what I did. I wanted to experience what it would be like to be simply one of the group. I wanted to avoid being set apart as so often happens to Spiritual Teachers. Others don’t know how to be or be comfortable with such a Soul. I tried, I really did. What I learned was that I could not, NOT be who I am. I failed to keep my identity invisible, because, I simply showed up! It’s like that Jesus saying about hiding your light under a bushel basket - somehow it leaks out. It is also spoken of in some of the versions of the Raven’s story of saving the Light for the World, renewing life on Earth through the restored gift of fire/light. We are all meant to be LIGHT! How do you show up?
Loving you and not really sure I am ready to end this Pilgrimage. I knew that the experience in April-May was a continuation of the Sept-November 2018 experience of the Camino Ignaciano. I had no idea what I was in for! I sit in Amsterdam in August 2019 waiting for a Ship to carry me home across Sacred Waters one more time.
I believe that coming back is only a stop, a pause, along the way and somehow I will, it will, continue in and through me. I now believe that there is definitely no end to this incredible soul journey. I have learned that I am totally separate from everything and everyone at the same time that I am totally immersed and one with everything and everyone.
How does One hold that thought?
I have traveled across France, Germany, Poland and Lithuania. Never had I even the remotest thought to do such a thing. Yet, here it is done and it is only the beginning.
I learned from David at a Hostel in Krakow, that I didn’t have to live anywhere. He doesn’t. He is happy and lives anywhere he wants to be. He spends some months each year with family in the States. He lives in Guatemala and in Europe during other times of the year. Living in hostels is a distinctive way of life with an ever changing community of similarly minded folks. Usually a very caring group of strangers. This time I met people from Brazil, Saudi Arabia, many countries around Europe, Ethiopia, and more - places I have never heard of.
Perhaps this Camino has brought me to deeper and more profound awareness than ever before. How can I end? Only I can stop, no, I can pause, and then I will continue, I must continue. The stops and pauses are becoming less often. Time is running out and there is still so much to do and be. I want my body to end while my Spirit journeys. Don’t misunderstand, I am not on a rushed and harried journey, much the opposite. I have learned to be at HOME wherever I am, like Turtle, who carries his home on his back. I am not hurried, I am at home.
When I promised the Captain that I would truly disembark in Cleveland this time, his immediate email response was that I didn’t have to make that promise, I could stay and continue with the Ship. How is it that so many around me know my heart as well or better than I do?
I have written more verses to my Death/Life Song. There is a Little Prince, a Fox, a Raven, and a Turtle that I am indebted to, not to mention the Dolphins and Whales, Atlantic Storms and Icebergs!
How can I possibly abandon the magic, the sacred magic of this place I call home. It is not about a house, it is about a home - that for my soul, is not in one small quarter acre of Medina land.
When Grandfather Tree gave his life for me, and told me that he was doing so freely and willingly. He wanted to give me the opportunity to grow into what I was meant to be. I argued with him that he didn’t have to give his life, I could mature without him doing that.
Now I know his wisdom was deeper than mine.
I felt the bond with this Land sever when he died. Now I am wondering, or is it wandering. The land at 89 Hartford no longer feels the same, I miss Grandfather so much. I can hardly bear to walk into the back yard for the grief that I feel. I know that I was given the beautiful Deer, especially the gift of the newborn in the Sacred Fire Pit as a sign and symbol of new life, much different than I had ever known. When I stopped home for 3 hours in May - they were in the backyard, both Mother and Child. I felt their love, their bond together and with me, as GrandMother, I felt their encouragement to keep going.
OKAY - another coincidence? or a Sacred Act-cident?
When I first spoke to my Niece/Daughter in spirit, that I had missed the date I intended to be home for the childrens’ birthday, due to the week delay the ship experienced for many reasons, I explained that I no longer felt an urgency to be home. She heard the song of my heart. I had been timid about suggesting to her that I complete the voyage through the Great Lakes to Thunder Bay. Thunder Bay was an important destination for me because my husband and I had visited there when we drove around the Great Lakes. We visited an Amethyst Mine there. We brought home pieces of the Healer’s Stone. My Niece/Daughter encouraged me and my heart felt free. When I got to Thunder Bay and was not yet ready to come home, I once again connected with her, each time expecting her to request me to come back. She never did. She willingly embraced the burden of caring for everything that I left behind. She will never know the depth, the treasure of the gift she gave me.
I also learned from this experience that the one who sets the limitations on my heart, is not outside of me, rather it is me. I have vowed now to seek my heart’s desire and do my best to care for those who are impacted by my decisions with love and care. I have learned that we each must make our life’s choices as freely as possible. It isn’t easy and I must remind myself often that I am responsible for attaining my life’s purpose. I must do all that I can to move through the limitations and self imposed expectations I have concretized over the many years and lifetimes.
I know that this can sound very strange to some. I am hoping that you are the ones who can receive, if not understand or know the experience that I describe. There is so much that I would love to share that is beyond words.
I look forward to spending time with you whether or not, I return.
I am certain, that you realize from this message that I am a deepened Soul from the one who ventured away in April. This extended time has been necessary to do the deep work that the Universe needed to do in me. Don’t ask me, what’s next? I only know that it isn’t over till it’s over.
Only the Universe knows and I trust that all is well with my Soul. All is very well.
I board the Ship to Cleveland this week.
I decided not to fly when the Captain extended the invitation for me to return to the Great Lakes on the Ship.
How could I ever say NO to being once again on the Great Waters of the Sacred Sea?
Sacred Waters, carry me home.
You have taught me to find HOME,
wherever I am and in whatever lifetime I walk.
Seeking, I continue
Carol, one Pilgrim
