We stopped at the offices where we ordered Papal Blessings and I ordered one for my 70th birthday. They will mail it to my house.
Then we went to the office of the Vatican Observer, the Pope's Journal/newspaper. Jude ordered back copies for research he is doing. Going in and out we stopped at the chapel to St. Anne. Jude has a special devotion to Mary and her mother Saint Ann.
Then we went for a coffee and to the Metro Station to go to St. John Lateran. This is a Basilica of St. John Baptist. His bones are entombed there.
Then off to the Basilica of the Holy Cross. We climbed wooden steps on our knees where the spots of Jesus blood were marked with brass plates. Round glass [sic]---to a special reliquary and then exited down another flight of steps.
From there we got back on the Metro and made our way to the CPPS house where Jude lives-although he is a diocesan priest.
I stayed in the chapel while he was getting some of his work done. While in chapel, one of the Order priests came in and was preparing to say Mass. I asked if I could stay and he was eager to have me. So this is where I was to share in the Mass today.
I stood next to the altar with him and shared deeply in the Mass that he had chosen for today, which was Saint Teresa. From oct 1st. He invited me to do the reading which was Nehemiah 8,1-4a,5-6, 7b-12. This reading brought me to tears. My insides were in so much turmoil by the absence of women's presence that I was aching. I found comfort in these words. The priest, whose name I don't know, shared a short teaching on the scriptures that also warmed my heart. He went out of his way to share everything in English and to help me feel comfortable.
Fr. Jude arrived at the Communion. The priest shared his large host with me and, for the second time today, the host dipped in wine was placed on my tongue.
When all was complete we went to lunch where I was the only visitor and the only womanpriest with about 40 menpriests. Get the picture?
Today I shared with Fr. Jude that often others encourage me to develop a special relationship or cultivate friendships. I am aware that most whose lives intersect with mine need me to be priest, counselor, nurturing parent....these may look like friendships but they aren't. A friendship is where both share deeply and equally. There are simply very few people that I can be in that kind of relationship with by the nature of my call.
Fr. Jude said, "The Holy Spirit is a jealous God. You are called to do what you are doing and being. There is no room or time for anything else."
That really got my attention.
I also have noted that several times during this lengthy time away I thought about taking experiences and thoughts home to share with my mom only to be reminded that she is not here in the flesh to share everything with as I always have. Mom was my best friend and the Holy Spirit let me enjoy that special relationship for all of my life with her. No wonder I miss her so much. There is simply no way to fill that void. There is no one who can. So I am pondering what these next 20 years will look like??? Jude says exactly what I would say to some one who would approach me with this dilemma of the heart: "Stay open to the whims of the Spirit. She is full of surprises."
I am experiencing the fullness and the emptiness of the dark night of the Soul. I am so full of emptiness that I have to take serious action and I need to do that as soon as possible. It is like the opening of the book of Genesis when the Spirit hovered over the Chaos of creation putting it all in place. The Void/the Darkness holds all manner of possibility if we just pay attention and allow the frightful process of Spirit stirring it all up and EXPECTING you/me to have a heart big enough to hold the stirring, the fire, the fermenting, the distilling. Like a hungry child waiting in anticipation of what mom is cooking up to satisfy the deep hunger. I must admit that the Camino hasn't concluded for me yet. Today as I climbed the SCALA Sancta on my knees, I knew that for certain. As I follow Jude around Rome in this whirlwind of activity, I know that. There will always be more than I can hold.
This afternoon I have spent processing and praying in the Seminary chapel. One of the priests came in, opened the Tabernacle so that he could sit and gaze on the Holy Sacrament that was consecrated at the Mass in which I shared this morning. He pulled out his prayer bench and sat in profound silence for an hour or more. All the while I was present. He acknowledged my presence and went into his deep contemplation as I witnessed his love and adoration. Thank God for today's opportunities for loving witness.
Response: the precepts of the Lord give joy to the heart.
#Pilgrim
