Assisi: Last Day

San Damiano Cross

Today was my last day in Assisi. I attended morning prayer 6:45 and Mass 7:15 at the Basilica of Saint Francis.

I love being surrounded by the deep resonant voices of the monks. I sat next to a monk who helped me find my way through the Italian Book of Hours so that I could join in morning prayer.

When Mass started, all of the nearly 30 priests were in white robes. I think today was the celebration of San Bernardino of Siena.

I had this amazing sense of walking with the monks in procession to the altar. My heart was tugging me up the aisle as I sat on the hard wooden pew. It was as if I had done this many times before. It is in moments like this that I know I was a monk in at least one previous lifetime. In this lifetime I had to be a warrior in order to follow the call that I experienced. The church that I gave my life to was not prepared to welcome me and many like me. We were deemed unacceptable for priesthood because of our gender or gender preference.

It is so sad to me that this kind of small thinking continues even today. I am ever grateful to Ken Hayes, Disciple of Christ minister, deceased, who recognized my call and my need to fulfill it. It is now my deepest joy when I can participate in a call and help the seeker to fulfill it.

My uphill journey this week, as I climbed to the Hermitage of Saint Francis, reminded me of the joy that follows the struggle. The long hard breathless climb that tried to stop me with every step followed by the total elation of still being alive, actually vibrantly alive when I completed an extremely difficult accomplishment. In that joy is the desire to bless others with a gentler journey. When I was received by the Independent Catholic Church as priest which led to consecration as Bishop, the possibility of offering guidance and ordination to those who were judged to be unworthy by reason of gender or gender preference became a reality. Going full circle. Once seeking some one to guide me through those troubled and troubling waters, now I know the way to encourage others.

This morning I participated as fully as I could considering the language barrier. It was amazing to be gazing on a replica of the San Damiano Cross. The legend of Saint Francis hinges on this cross. It is said that the Christ on this cross spoke to Francis asking him to "rebuild the church."

For myself, I wonder at the meaning of this request. Have we who call ourselves Christians, so badly misinterpreted the teachings of Jesus that he is asking us to REBUILD?

What exactly am I, are we, being asked to do and be. This is a question that I often ask myself. Because I relive the fervor of my life as a monk, doesn't mean that I had it right or wrong, however, I am wondering if this time I am being asked to do it over to come to a different conclusion?

Is this my call to make a difference? I think that every one of us is expected to strive to make a difference. Some of us have the call to help one or two and some are called to bring hope to many.

Hope is so important. To know that there is something more.

It would be awesome if we made a difference ........together.

Have any ideas?

Pastor Carol

Hermitage of the Carceri

Today was a hard day, in a number of ways. It was a day of silence and of intense climbing. First I forgot my walking stick at our guesthouse and had to run back for it while the others waited for me. I knew I would not be able to do this climb without it for balance and support. Then our leader somehow became confused and we wandered for at least 45 minutes trying to find where the path up to the Hermitage left the road. As often happens, when everything feels insurmountable, it was a day of blessings and beauty.

This morning seven of us were starting out to make the intense four mile climb straight up the mountain to Francis of Assisi's retreat where he and the brothers would go to find peace, solitude and time for prayer. Here away from the crowds and demands of their ministry, they found their spiritual reserve, so they could continue their intense work in the city streets.

I can't imagine how long it would take them after begging for their food the day before and making the dizzying climb in sandals that could feel every stone and rock on the mountain.

The hermitage at Carceri is a series of grottoes, caves. When I walked into Francis' grotto and saw the stone floor that is rough and hard, worn shiny by Francis' body when he slept there on the jagged rocks. Francis always used a rock for a pillow.

Saint Francis, Friar Leone and Friar Ginepro admire the sky

I was glad to see that he took time for rest and enjoying nature that he so deeply loved. There is a bronze sculpture of him lying on the ground with his sandals removed as he gazed at the stars!  Next to him two of the Brothers stand also studying the sky.

My journey to the top was a real test of strength and stamina. Sometimes I remind myself that this is not just a journey of my personal survival. Sometimes I call my attention back from labored breathing and heart pounding, to the intention of this experience. I then hear the hundreds and thousands of bird songs filling the air and I see the intense colors of the flowers all along the way and the hundreds of butterflies of differing colors swarming around the butterfly bushes that line the trail. I feel the air changing as I climb higher. I see how high I am as I look out into the valley below and beyond. I feel like I am walking in the tree tops and the gentle breeze refreshes.

Today medium size butterflies of intense gold color outlined with deep brown or black were flying around my head and body. It was surreal. Whenever butterflies show up like this, I connect with the Ancestors. I wondered who was walking with me today: Frankie, Mom, Dad, Grandmothers, my dear friends and many more.

I have a butterfly bush in my yard at home. The Ancestors are always welcome. It is on their shoulders that I stand. Someday our children and those after them, for generations, will stand on our shoulders. I am reminded to be the best that I can be for the day when a butterfly reminds the next generation and the generation after that, that I am still around and willing to help if you need me.

Pastor Carol

Assisi, Italy - May 14, 2017

Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi

Today's lessons were about the joy of flexibility. We abandoned our schedule twice to participate in local events that had been unknown to us. The English Mass at the Basilica of Saint Francis was changed from 11:00 to 9:00 a.m. Which conflicted with the lecture schedule. Some of the Catholics in the group wrestled with their choice. Each followed their heart.

As much as I wanted to experience Mass in the Basilica I didn't want to miss the lecture.

The second adaptation was the afternoon schedule. Pat learned that there was a procession planned to move relics from Saint Clare Basilica to the New Church. It was a rare opportunity for us to join in. It was at 5:00 pm. Of course, this is Italy, so it started around 5:30. There was music and singing. I enjoyed the young nun with her guitar who led the singing through the streets of Assisi. Someone was her moving music stand walking alongside her. She was wired with a microphone that blared through portable speakers attached to long pole that was carried much further back in the procession so that more folks could join in the singing.

Our Pilgrim group stood along the processional route as the hundreds of clergy and religious processes by. After the Bishop passed by carrying the relics we followed the townspeople to their final destination at New Church.

When the festivities concluded, I doubled back to the Basilica to spend some quiet time in the chapel where the original San Damiano Cross hangs. The life story of Saint Francis hangs on this crucifix.

Saint Francis had a vision of the Christ figure speaking to him from the cross. Francis was told to "rebuild the church". At first Frances took this directive literally by rebuilding an old church badly needing repairs. Later, as Francis grew in his spiritual awareness, he began to stand as a presence for change in the institution of the church.

Today was full of sensory delights. I pondered what is my call "to build the church?" What does that mean for modern day Pilgrims like you and me? Is there a church to rebuild, or is it time to create another way? Is it about finding the commonality that draws groups together rather than focusing on our differences. Is it about the people embracing new ways of being, deeper ways of being in relationship with the Holy? Is it about rethinking very fundamental concepts, such as: where is heaven? So much inside of me shifted when I realized that heaven isn't far away up there somewhere. When I began to understand that Heaven is right here, I realized a new appreciation for Earth, her sacredness and my responsibility to defend and protect her.

What about you? What are you called to? Or what call are you running away from?

I have learned that every challenge is an invitation to a new adventure.

Come on. Live it up. Take a risk. You only have this moment. Right now.

Pastor Carol

Pilgrimage of Unfinished Business

St. Francis healing a cow

Today I am flying to Rome and then on to Assisi, Italy to begin my Pilgrimage of Unfinished Business. This morning I exercised at the Recreation Center. I spoke with Max, one of my unlikely friends. Each of us approaches the Divine from diverse viewpoints. We care about each other. We respect each other’s way of seeing. I enjoy talking with Max and I value his clear thinking. I asked him if he had ever experienced moving ahead with a major project only to find out when he was close to finishing, why he was doing it? He affirmed that he too had experienced the same phenomenon: Being led or encouraged by a series of happenings until the essence of the whole could be realized, however, not yet understood.

That is exactly what has happened and continues to unfold for me. Today I will be leaving from Cleveland Hopkins International Airport on route to Rome, where I am scheduled to meet up with a group of Pilgrims from around the United States and one from England. I have been preparing for over a month for this rather unexpected Pilgrimage. It was then that I first received an email announcement from Shalem Institute advertising a pilgrimage to Assisi, Italy. I had traveled with them about three years ago to Iona, Scotland on spiritual pilgrimage and found it a very clear, deepening spiritual experience.

There is a fundamental difference between travelling as a tourist and travelling as a pilgrim. I have done both and I no longer enjoy being the tourist. During Spring Break this year, I took the family on a children’s vacation. 

A couple of months ago in a conversation with my 12-year-old great niece, I offered to take her anywhere in the world that she wanted to go for her 16th birthday. 

When she heard that, she lit up. “Anywhere?’ she asked. 

“Yep, anywhere.” I answered. 

Excitedly she asked, “Could we go to Africa?” 

“Sure, we can. I’ve been there. It’s beautiful and I would love to take you.” I answered.

Then there was an uncomfortable expectant pause, and she asked, “Do we have to fly in an airplane to go to Africa?” 

I said, “Unless you want to swim, and it’s pretty far for that.” 

“Then” she said,” I don’t want to go there.” 

“Why not?” I asked. 

“Cause, I’m afraid to fly,” she said emphatically. 

“Have you ever flown before?” I queried.

“No.” she said quietly.

“Then how do you know you are afraid to fly? I love to fly,” I pushed.

That was the moment I decided it was time to take the children and mom and dad for a family vacation that would teach them all something about travelling. I wanted to be sure they learned their way around airports, had the experience of taking off and landing. Staying in a place far from home. Seeing the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon. Walking the Sky Walk. Seeing the Ravens and Eagles in flight below us because we were so high at the rim of the Canyon. The trip was a huge success. We achieved the planned agenda and the ultimate purpose of actual experience to counter imagined fears. Now when we talk about going somewhere, they want to know if we can fly.

The nature of the trip was that of tourists. I enjoyed being with the family. I did not enjoy the role of tourist. When I went to the Grand Canyon, the experience pulled at my pilgrim heartstrings and I wished that I could send the family home and remain with the spirits of the Mountains and the Canyon for a time of prayer and inner experience. I wanted to let my spirit soar with the Ravens and to have conversations with the Spirit of the Raven. I wanted to hike down into the canyon, to find a quiet cabin where I could disappear into the spirit of this sacred place for a while. That’s the essential difference for me, I go to experience the spiritual gifts that present themselves in different places around the world, including my own backyard. I pilgrim to be and become not to do or to shop.

Assisi has been on my radar for years. I wanted to visit because Saint Francis is not only the Saint that Pope Francis chose to emulate but also my mother and husband were named after Saint Francis of Assisi. Every year at the Feast Day of Saint Francis which is celebrated October 4th, we would remember this Saint who spoke to the animals and preached to the birds by inviting folks to bring their animals to the church for hands on blessings.

When I pastored a church in Michigan, one of the members was a Veterinarian. She knew that the blessing of the animals was fast approaching on October 4th. and mentioned her dilemma, “I don’t know who to bring, I have thirty-four animals at home.” I encouraged her to select those that she felt most drawn to bring. In addition to the animals that she brought I suggested that she bring pictures or personal toys to represent the other animals. That was the last we spoke of the event. On Sunday morning nearest October 4th, we were gathering for the Blessing of the Animals, someone nervously said, “Did you see what Doc brought?” 

“No,” I responded, “I haven’t seen the animals yet.” 

She concluded, “You are in for a surprise.”

I entered the gathering space crowded with every kind of pet you can imagine. Then I saw Doc. She was taking her RAT from its cage. She placed it free and loose on her shoulder and kissed it! It was the biggest rat I had ever seen. My mind stopped when I realized that I was going to have to hold that rat!

Not being a little distracted, I instructed the church members to write the name of their animal guest on a name tag that each human owner would wear. Then as we began our time of prayer, I asked them to take a few minutes of quiet to ponder what blessing, healing, prayer would their pet request today. Then came the moment of reckoning. Each one brought their beloved pet forward for a blessing. I held each one and prayed aloud naming each of them and asking their human for their request. When Doc came forward with the rat that had been perched on her shoulder during the service, she held him in her arms like a baby. He was very healthy and I could tell well fed. 

I looked her in the eye and simply asked, ”Is he going to bite me?” 

“No” she replied. 

Then I asked what prayer her pet was seeking and she said, ”That I not be so misunderstood!” 

At that I reached out my arms to embrace and bless him.

I wondered if Saint Francis also talked to rats and other animals that we don’t easily think of as cuddly pets. There is a legend about his intervention with a Wolf who was killing sheep and perhaps also had attached some children. Francis went out to meet the Wolf to talk with him. During their talk, Francis learned that the Wolf was hungry. Francis got the Wolf to agree that he wouldn’t attack any longer if the towns people would provide him with food to still his hunger.

Saint Francis of Assisi is also the Saint that I think of when I think of the Cosmos and when I think of our Earth Mother and the damage that humanity has caused to our precious Mother, whom we depend upon for sustenance, water, life. If Francis were here today, I’m certain he would be at the forefront of saving the waters, the animals, the polar ice, the air, and more. Yes, this pilgrimage to Assisi has been long in becoming a reality.