Assisi: Last Day

San Damiano Cross

Today was my last day in Assisi. I attended morning prayer 6:45 and Mass 7:15 at the Basilica of Saint Francis.

I love being surrounded by the deep resonant voices of the monks. I sat next to a monk who helped me find my way through the Italian Book of Hours so that I could join in morning prayer.

When Mass started, all of the nearly 30 priests were in white robes. I think today was the celebration of San Bernardino of Siena.

I had this amazing sense of walking with the monks in procession to the altar. My heart was tugging me up the aisle as I sat on the hard wooden pew. It was as if I had done this many times before. It is in moments like this that I know I was a monk in at least one previous lifetime. In this lifetime I had to be a warrior in order to follow the call that I experienced. The church that I gave my life to was not prepared to welcome me and many like me. We were deemed unacceptable for priesthood because of our gender or gender preference.

It is so sad to me that this kind of small thinking continues even today. I am ever grateful to Ken Hayes, Disciple of Christ minister, deceased, who recognized my call and my need to fulfill it. It is now my deepest joy when I can participate in a call and help the seeker to fulfill it.

My uphill journey this week, as I climbed to the Hermitage of Saint Francis, reminded me of the joy that follows the struggle. The long hard breathless climb that tried to stop me with every step followed by the total elation of still being alive, actually vibrantly alive when I completed an extremely difficult accomplishment. In that joy is the desire to bless others with a gentler journey. When I was received by the Independent Catholic Church as priest which led to consecration as Bishop, the possibility of offering guidance and ordination to those who were judged to be unworthy by reason of gender or gender preference became a reality. Going full circle. Once seeking some one to guide me through those troubled and troubling waters, now I know the way to encourage others.

This morning I participated as fully as I could considering the language barrier. It was amazing to be gazing on a replica of the San Damiano Cross. The legend of Saint Francis hinges on this cross. It is said that the Christ on this cross spoke to Francis asking him to "rebuild the church."

For myself, I wonder at the meaning of this request. Have we who call ourselves Christians, so badly misinterpreted the teachings of Jesus that he is asking us to REBUILD?

What exactly am I, are we, being asked to do and be. This is a question that I often ask myself. Because I relive the fervor of my life as a monk, doesn't mean that I had it right or wrong, however, I am wondering if this time I am being asked to do it over to come to a different conclusion?

Is this my call to make a difference? I think that every one of us is expected to strive to make a difference. Some of us have the call to help one or two and some are called to bring hope to many.

Hope is so important. To know that there is something more.

It would be awesome if we made a difference ........together.

Have any ideas?

Pastor Carol