2019-04-26 Feast Day Vigil of Santa Maria de Montserrat

San Miguel's Creu (Saint Michael's Cross) 

Big day of celebration on the Mountain!

Feast Day Vigil of Santa Maria de Montserrat

First, I must say a word about a strange repetitive occurrence. 

Yesterday morning I was awakened around 4:15 a.m. when my Cell phone fell on my face from a shelf above my head where is was charging. This morning when I left the Basilica after visiting the Black Madonna, I walked through the area where people light candles of remembrance and praise. As I was exiting, I walked head first into a glass door that was impossible to see, because they keep everything so clean. My observation: two days in a row, head bonked in strange ways. What is it that I am not getting or not paying attention to? I only have through Monday to discover the answer to that question.

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A beautiful day! Hiked on the mountain this morning to Saint Michael, (Sant Miguel), the Archangel’s Cross and Chapel. Wind is very strong. I decide it is not the safest place to be in these strong winds. I look around the base of the Cross and see gifts left by others: money, photos and plaques, memorials. I can feel the pain and loss that saturates this place. The Wind has a big job, cleansing and refreshing so many hearts from pain and sorrow. Saint Michael is the Patron Guardian of these Mountains.

I see money scattered all around. It appears to be untouched. 

Here on the Mountain at the foot of this cross, it is not money. 

It is something else. 

Do you have any idea what to call it? 

I don’t.

I mountain meandered for a couple of hours. Listened and recorded Bells and Birds in mind’s storage and phones video. Strange sounding languages all around me. Walking alone is my preference. I center on the feeling of the mountain and everything around me. It isn’t just about me being here. It’s more about here embracing me.

Do you have a place, a space that embraces you? 

How is that different from you visiting that place?

I wish that the sacredness of the mountain was obvious to every visitor, but it’s not. Some talk and squeal the entire time they walk and never see or take in anything around them. I really don’t understand why they come here. Absolute beauty forsaken.

There are numerous statues, markers, reminders of the Ancestors. 

Most folks are totally unaware. I wish I could approach and let them know what they are missing. 

Two women at Sant Michael hermitage, don’t even seem to notice me walking into their space. Another hiker, a man, now has their attention with some big story. He stops for a cigarette. Really? Here in this sacred place? That’s like lighting a cigarette in the Basilica. 

I don’t say anything because I don’t have the words to say. I keep to myself. They keep talking in piercing tones that I find annoying. I remind myself that if I understood, I might join in. 

I am glad I don’t understand. I want to remain in Mountain Communion. The Mass Bells tug at me. I wonder if I should have considered attending today? The Mass is scheduled daily at 11:00 a.m. The time of the day is difficult. There isn’t a long stretch of time to walk the mountain.

What do you hold Sacred?

Do you make time for the Sacred in your daily life?

After a couple of hours, I returned to my Hostal, the first building that I came to on the return path. I spend time responding to FB and other messages. It has been a blessing to connect and re-connect with so many through FB. I am realizing the closeness that I feel with people I haven’t seen or communicated with for 20-30 years or more.

Are there folks that you would like to reconnect with?

What stops you from doing that?

Do you have a plan to reconnect, before it is too late?

There are an exceptional number of people here today and more and more pouring in. Today is the Vigil of the Feast of Santa Maria of Montserrat. At lunch, I ate with three women whose names were Montserrat. They are here to celebrate this special day. Although the actual Feast Day is April 27th, it is customary to begin the celebration on the evening before. There are more people coming into the Hostal. I still have the luxury of having three empty beds in my room and so far, I am not sharing. That could quickly change as Pilgrims and lovers of Montserrat flood the town.

Do you guard your personal space?

Are there times when you want alone time?

When is that for you?

How do you make that happen for your inner being?

We had an interesting and very tasty lunch. We were told that it was Goat and we think it was turkey! Go figure.

Currently I am sitting in the large area where folks eventually will be coming to eat. Since this building is new, most don’t know what facilities are available. I looked out the window and saw two fully habited nuns walking down the street, one of them has on a neon green baseball cap over her headpiece and veil! Even with the bright sun, I didn’t expect to see that.

Are there unexpected things that make you smile?

Maybe you aren’t paying close enough attention!

This morning as I was finishing up my writing time, one of the Monk Postulants, that’s a person who is just beginning his religious studies and formation for this community lifestyle, recognized me from seeing me at prayer. He came to talk. He explained the events of today and tomorrow and I learned things I would not have known. I know there are signs posted, but, I sometimes miss things that I don’t understand. Tonight, the Mass is at 10:00 p.m. (22:00 hours) which is preceded by a concert at 9:00 pm. (21:00 hours). In the morning there will be a special Mass at 7:00 a.m. in the Cambril, the area behind the Statue of the Black Virgin.

One of the Monks, a close friend, emailed this morning. He alerted me to the pre-service concert that will take place showcasing the Llibre Vermell de Montserrat (Red Book of Montserrat), a 14th-century manuscript compiled by the Monks. It is named for the red binding into which the collection was placed in the 19th century. These are late medieval songs and dances, one of the most famous manuscripts of ancient music. Tonight, they will be performed by local Catalonian Musicians.

I have decided to forego dinner which is normally served at 8:00 p.m.(20:00 hours) in order to get a seat in the Basilica. Father Toni told me, if I want a place to sit, I must be early.

What means so much to you that you would forego a meal to attend?

When was the last time you wanted something that much?

I do find it quite amazing how the people flood this place. It is not an easy place to get to way up here on the Mountain. To discourage cars, because of the lack of parking space available, the rates are expensive. People are encouraged to take the Rack Rail Train up the mountain. 

The Basilica is often filled. All the pews, seats, people sitting on the floor in front of the pews and along the sides. The isles will be packed with people standing shoulder to shoulder and front to back with little to no room to move. It is calm and expected. No one seems to have any problem with this. It is just the way it is. Some people will come prepared with stadium sitting pads, prepared to sit on the cold hard stone steps or floor.

Would you sit on a cold stone floor for four hours for anything?

I have been alerted that after the Concert, which begins at 9:00 p.m., Mass begins at 10:00. There will be many dignitaries here from CHURCH and STATE! Catalonia is a politically charged place. It is likely that the ceremonies will go till 1:00 a.m. and start again at 7:00 a.m.

Lots of reflective thoughts and questions are running around in my head. 

I’ve interspersed some in the thoughts above.

Time to post and get ready for tonight’s gala events.

2019-04-25 Monks Away

Walked through a dense morning fog and drizzle to the Basilica. 

Actually, at 4:15 this morning, I was brutally awakened by my cell phone falling off the shelf above my head in the Albergue bunk beds, smashing into my left cheek bone. It was on the shelf recharging during the night. I have been concerned this might happen, but I didn’t listen to Spirit’s urgings to take preventative precautions. Will I ever learn to listen???

I am fortunate it did not directly hit my eye. I got up and wet it with cool water, wishing I had some ice. I don’t remember seeing any in the kitchen. I used cool water.

When I was awakened, I looked outside, noticed the dense fog. There is a picture of the tree outside my window. Of course, it might have appeared a bit blurry to me because of the impact of the Iphone.

Went back to bed holding Rieke energy around the left side of my face. My eye seems fine. I can see and focus. It is my cheekbone that took the hardest hit. 

I visited Saint Mary of Montserrat, the revered icon of the Black Madonna, aka, La Moreneta. Pilgrims come from all over to experience her healing energy. During prayer, I suggested that a black eye, although it might make me resemble her a little more, might not be very😎 becoming😉 on my otherwise very pale face!

The Monks are away today for a one-day retreat. 

No public Laudes, morning prayer. I went and prayed Laudes by myself.

There was a large group of Chinese pilgrims here. They must not have known the monks would be away. Their guide realized this, when there were no bells announcing prayer and no monks appearing. Of course, I couldn’t understand what was said. I observed as they moved from the Nave to the Cambril chapel behind the statue to chant and pray.

I listened to their voices. Interesting how the sound of praying voices, even in a foreign tongue, is soothing, calming. I chose to stay and pray quietly while being soothed by their prayerful sounds.

Wind howls and whips through the trees outside the Basilica. Whistles and whines through the old building’s crevasses. 

I hear the sounds and think SPIRIT! L’Esprit Sant!

Glad to be in these protective walls, or am I?

Have you ever discovered, what you considered safe, to be your greatest challenge?

I took more photos of the continued dense fog of this morning. No sunrise to capture this day. Can’t even see the outline of the huge mountains hiding, playing a serious game of hide-n-seek. A selfie places me in the midst of the mist.

Fascinated with my new experience of long silver hair, I took a couple of selfies. I don’t know how much longer I will let it grow. There doesn’t seem to be a reason to cut it. and there are some reasons not to. Researched Native American teaching. Ever think about that? Why do all Native men and women keep their hair long? I feel and look very different, a new persona. Sometimes I feel and look very old. Sometimes old and wise, or silly! I must admit the years pass by more rapidly now than ever before. It is okay. I find contentment in the me I am now and becoming.

How about you? Are you content? If not, what will it take to find for yourself a way to embrace and love the inevitable process of growing older? Do you have any idea what a gift you are? What a gift your life of experience is? Sometimes I think the stronger the lessons one needed to conquer, the wiser the Elder, the richer, more valuable the gift.

Today, a long-time friend wrote with an update of old acquaintances that I haven’t seen in many, many years. I responded that I thought it was time for a visit before none of us remembered who we are or have left this Earth’s beauty and bounty. We are working on a date to make that visit happen for real. Can you imagine how it will be as we silently compare and contrast our ability to age gracefully??? What characters we are!

You? Any old things that you want to renew? Friendships, relationships, seeing a beloved place one more time while you have energy to walk that far and courage to remember? Remembering, simply for the sake of remembering and smiling. 

So important to love every moment of the journey, even the raw and raucous moments. Lance, what did those Benzie Boys do to poor old Frank on the way home from camp?

I know I have much to share. I am living in my largest NOW ever and planning to give back as much as I can to as many who would benefit and want what I share. Years of wisdom and grace.

Our American culture is not good with recognizing the gifts of our Elders. In the months that I am privileged to be in Spain, I experience an honoring and caring from complete strangers. Offers of umbrellas in the rain, a strong armed stranger to hold, on rain soaked slippery stone streets. Try to say that one fast🤪.

I have been thinking about what I am best at being and how I want to give back.

I want to have more spiritual life coaching clients. 

I think that is my truest calling. I see the results and am uplifted to watch young and old receive encouragement and direction from the time we share. I am fortunate to have a depth of training and a gentle/strong soul to guide seekers with love, compassion and care.

I am happy to share inspirational presentations about how spiritual travel is a model for living one's life. I love to lead retreats about my experiences in Spirit, the Monastic Immersion, Divine Feminine, Camino-my Life, Chants and Dance, Meditative Journaling, using lead questions for meditative writing to share and find deeper meanings—-small group and large group sharing. Use of other sacred writing, images, music. All of this is to help us connect with our own life experience and its deep value.

When I return home, I will package some examples to share and promote. I want to reach more people who might be needing encouragement or guidance. Perhaps a gathering to share every couple of months and find encouragement in one another's experience.

Preparing promotional pieces to distribute and let others know what I can and love to share. I want to get the attention of those who are looking for such a resource. I will rework my Vitae to include my experience with Benedictine Monasteries and leading Still Point, Zen styled Prayer with the spiritual community and the larger community.

I plan to design prayers similar to the Hours. Finding the psalms sometimes oppressive for those who may not understand. I want to create a positive psalm experience. One resource that I like a lot is Thomas Merton’s, Book of Hours.

I have a library of short films to watch/discuss; a membership to Gaia which opens all kinds of possibilities. I am especially interested in Consciousness studies and how that might imply connections with Divinity.

We could also view a major film for reflection, applying our learning to today’s realities,we are all forced to live, like it or not. Teach and encourage others to keep a journal of every day experiences of Christ filled, Light filled moments. I would like to explore the power of revisiting and remembering who we are because of who we once were.

I have a Healing Prayer Lodge in my yard. I would love to have others join me with the stone people for a time of physical and spiritual cleansing, as we sing and pray in the steam and sweat of our own reality.

Responding to a request from former students, I am designing a seven to nine-day Camino Retreat experience. Lots of wonderful opportunities to experience Divinity.

How are you experiencing the Divine in your life? Do you feel dry and stagnant? Need a little boost? Let me know what you need, chances are I can help or know who or what can.

There are infinite possibilities when thinking about connecting with the infinite.

WE ARE THE ONLY LIMITATION TO OUR BECOMING!

2019-04-24. Easter Monday

I moved from the Monastery. They are closing down for a couple of days, probably to recuperate from the intense Holy Week and Easter Schedule. 

It was suggested I go to a Pilgrim Hostal just down the street so that I could be close by. The Guest Master invited me for meals beginning Tuesday when they re-open the guest facilities.

The Hostal is a brand new facility that the Abbott blessed for its opening the day after I arrived here. I am not certain how many it sleeps. I think over 300 beds. Currently I am the only one in the huge building. They don’t have an Internet presence yet and no publicity that I have seen.   I only knew of it because the Monks directed me here.

My room is intended for four with two bunk beds. It is a Pilgrims’ room. I expected to move from the Monastery. I thought I would be leaving the Mountain to go to Barcelona because there were no available rooms on the Mountain. Although I was looking forward to visiting Barcelona, I was deeply sad to leave the Mountain - but God always provides. Here I am….Remaining!

Now it is Easter Monday and I have just returned from Laudes. They haven’t run out of incense. We were incensed again this morning. Maybe at home, I need to add a morning blessing to my daily smudging ritual in addition to my daily evening smudge?

I saw Amelia Lacalle at prayer. Last evening, we were surprised to see each other at Vespers. The others from our group of six, who participated in the Triduum Silent Retreat, seem to have all left the Mountain yesterday. Amelia will be here till Tuesday.

We have quite a time in our communication efforts. We were attempting to share some photos and my email wasn’t working right. Can you imagine this scene? No means of communicating a spoken word and with gestures, frustration and laughter, into tears. We asked a group of young men if they could help. They couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t send anything to me or why my phone wouldn’t receive from her. We walked away defeated - almost! Then, certainly because of our excellent communication🤪, I thought I was going to my room and she directed me to hers at the Apartment where I sometimes stay if the Monastery is full. We continued to laugh and sigh at our communication efforts. Finally, we were able to send a couple of emails to each other and now we are relieved to know that we are forever connected. I was wishing we were back in the freedom of our SILENCE!

Do you ever long for SILENCE in the midst of meaningless words? Have you ever experienced the deep communication of Silence that no words can impart? When has that happened for you?

I left Amelia to go across the Plaça to my Hostal. I didn’t eat much today since we had so many sweets for Easter at the Monastery. I want to fit into my clothes when I leave here for the Cargo Ship!

Today, I received an invitation from one of the Monks to join him and a couple of friends to take a drive to the Monastery’s ‘offspring’ Retreat House in the country about a ninety minute drive from here. I will go to see El Miracles with them. We go this afternoon.

I love the stillness and the quiet.

There are more security guards and different uniforms here today. I understand that there is a political holiday this week in Barcelona and there could be some carry over to Montserrat. 

In some ways this is a crazy place to be. There is a deep political tension between Montserrat, the Monks and the Virgin of Catalan and the Spanish Government. I am being cautious these days. I was invited to go to Barcelona where Sant Jordi Day (Saint George) is celebrated more fully. It is not a religious celebration. They are hoping it will become a National celebration of Catalan. I am not going. I feel safer here on the Mountain.

At the end of the Week there is the BIG FEAST of the Black Madonna - I anticipate that it will be similar to what I have experience in Little Italy, Cleveland but on a grander scale - only because this is a grander landscape in every detail! I mean - just look at these mountains that hold the Basilica as in the palm of a great hand.

I wonder if they will have lemon ice. One Holy Thursday during a special meal we had something like lemon ice. I think it was a lemoncello cream - similar to frozen custard with lemoncello in it??? Very tart and very good.

Much love to each and every one. I heard from the Cargo Ship. Sounds like it is a firm commitment to take me home. Waiting for a ticket and a day and time to board. Hopefully it will all happen as they expect this time. It may all depend on United States tariff laws I think???

I learned that there are many fewer sailings - about 50% due to tariffs discouraging shipments. Global economy is a tricky business. Every action results in a reaction - yes?

2019-04-17/21 Highlights of Silent Triduum Retreat

*Written on Easter Sunday, Monastery Montserrat

I have been in church so much this week my back side looks like a wooden pew! Actually, more like a metal folding chair!

Throughout our time in retreat silence from Wednesday until after the Easter Vigil service, Father Sergi has led us with an image of water.

On Thursday evening it is traditional in many Christian churches to re-enact Jesus’ washing of the disciples’ feet. Abbot Josep M. Soler washed the feet of 12 people, two were monks, the others were from the community. You can bet those were really clean feet before the Abbot touched them. Jesus was washing feet that wore sandals and trod on dusty roads before entering the upper room for dinner.

Father Sergi suggested, we meditate on John 13:1-15. This is the account where Jesus washes the feet of his disciples. In my meditation I stood before Jesus as he looks into my eyes and insists on washing my feet. How would I feel? What would I say? What would I do? What is Jesus teaching me? 

You might benefit from this meditative process. You can step into any scene of scripture.

On Good Friday I meditate on the Passion Scriptures and the words of Jesus as he hangs on the cross. He says, “I thirst!” Once again, I step into the scripture. I stand near the cross. I hear Jesus say, “I Thirst.” Do you want me to give you water, Jesus? What is it that you thirst for now, today? What “thirst” can I satisfy for you? Who is the “thirsty” Jesus in my life? What needs to occur in our relationship for the “thirst” to be satisfied? Am I willing to do it?

Do you have other questions that you want to explore?

On Holy Saturday we are waiting in the garden. Jesus has been placed in a tomb. There are no more words. I sit with the silence of Scripture and wait. There is an emptiness. A feeling of something missing. We eat simple foods. No wine. No desert. Very simple. I walk in the monks’ silent prayer garden. I pray and think about my rocky road relationship with Jesus because of childhood misinterpretations and false notions. Mary invites me, “love him as I love him.” What simple wisdom. Today I find it hard to do, because it is flipping me back to a place I have worked long and hard to get myself free from.

I hold the belief that Jesus did die on a cross, but I don’t think that was a predestined mission. I think he was here first and foremost to teach us how to live, how to love, how to know Divinity, how to be aware of the Divinity, an essential part of each child of God. All of us. 

He wanted us to know that we share in the same Divinity that he shared in. That Divinity is part of who we are, that the kingdom/queendom is within us, that he sent the Spirit to dwell in us. The Spirit prays in our hearts when we simply are too weary, to downhearted to pray. It is all in the scriptures. How can we miss his straightforward message?

He taught us to take care of one another, He taught us to sing and rejoice. He taught us to care for Earth and all creation. He taught us the power of love. Love is not a thing. Love is a PERSON. We share in the life of that person.

I think in order to complete his life’s work based on love he found it necessary to accept its natural culmination in the last week of his life. His culminating act of love was to embrace the way of the cross and death to teach in the most complete way that he could, about what LOVE truly is. He modeled for us in his final acts of self-giving, how to love completely.

No one can out-love him.

I think there are humans who have followed very closely in his footsteps resulting in the same outcome. One that always comes to mind is Oscar Romeo. There are numerous martyrs for love. 

Perhaps you have one that comes to mind. Please share that person with us.

Later, Holy Saturday evening, we gather in the Basilica at 9:15 for silence and prayer. At 10:00 rain pours down and some of us go to the Plaça, the courtyard to witness the lighting of the New Easter Fire, a symbol of resurrected life coming from out of the ashes.

I stood in the rain between two tall men who held a covering over me so I wouldn’t get soaked. Two young people, from the gathered crowd, came and offered me their umbrellas. What a place this is that holds so much honoring for folks with silver hair!! Anyway, I kind of enjoyed being held up by two strong tall men and kept out of the rain at the same time. I think the video I took while in this configuration is quite memorable. I hope to attach it to this reflection.

What happened, was a first for me. The Christ candle was lit from the New Fire. The procession started into the Basilica. The Christ Candle went out.

The wind and the rain made things difficult. They had to go back to the Fire and start once again. This time being sure that the candle got a good start, they placed a glass globe over the flame to protect from the wind and rain. It worked.

The three of us, Agusti, Roger and me, made our way immediately behind all the main players in the procession. When we arrived at the steps to the Main Altar, we quickly circled round back through the Cloister to get to our designated chapel on the right side of the Basilica.

Being part of this unique group of six retreatants, three men and three women, who are here for this first-time immersion experience into the Monastic living of Holy Week is beyond telling. I am the only one who is NOT from Catalan. I am the only one who speaks English. 

Father Sergi is teaching in both languages for my benefit. It is an unbelievable experience to be so included!

No one is permitted to take pictures of any rituals. The rituals are so amazing. I understand the rule. They don’t want the Sacred to become solely a tourist attraction. I have established credibility here with the use of my iPhone for English translation purposes, so I don’t want to take advantage of that privilege and break their trust.

The Easter Vigil was filled with all the Liturgical options. Every one of the readings from Old Testament and New were read. There were at least six people baptized. I found it interesting that the children were all about 10 years old. Very similar practice to the Disciples of Christ baptism at age of choice instead of infant baptism. There was one adult baptized.

The Baptismal Font, a HUGE clam shell with gold edging, was filled with water for blessing. The Easter Candle, lit with the light of Christ from the New Fire, was lowered into that water three symbolic times. The Easter water was used for baptisms.

Easter Sunday, I attended all of the festivities - which meant I was in church again after just a few hours sleep. I have never attended a Laudes like this one. There were numerous special readings and incensings.

I lost count of how often they prepared and incensed the altar, and all of us. I think at least six times throughout the day.

When I am at home, I smudge, which is traditional incensing using natural aromatic herbs. Every night as part of my pre-sleep evening prayer ritual. Among other prayers, it is the time I hold all your intentions in my heart and speak them to the Universe. Sometimes, I rationalize, I don’t need to smudge again because we smudged at Medicine Wheel Gathering that afternoon, I will reconsider, now that I know some smudge six times a day!

There is a professional team of photographers streaming the events and taking photos. I hope they will put together a video of Holy Week Highlights . That would be fantastic!

2019-04-17 Wednesday of Holy Week - the SILENCE BEGINS

I have been doing some very serious, heavy soul writing for three days. Nothing that I will share at this time. What is important today, on this Wednesday of Holy Week, is that at 5:00 p.m. we will join the silence that we will keep with the monks till Easter Sunday morning. It is a serious time of inner calm and Presence. This is the reason that I came here for Holy Week and I look forward to this time. 

After this post I will not post until Easter. 

Keeping the Sacred Silence.

??????Are there old, maybe even very old, ancient memories that are surfacing? 

What is the learning for you? 

Will you shove them down and do your best not to remember? or will you welcome and dance with the difficult in search of resolution and newly birthed peace in the safety of Silence?

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Today I went to the store for a new mountain walking stick. The one I was using that is actually an infirmary cane, was reclaimed by its owner. Now I have purchased a sturdy hiking stick, intended for these mountains. I purchased one when I visited last fall. It journeyed from Loyola to Manresa and back to Montserrat with me. It made its Atlantic crossing with me in November 2018. Now it lives with me in Ohio and no overseas trips are foreseen for its future. Remember the Airlines and their weapons policy. 

This new stick looks much like the one I carried home last Fall. I will leave it here at Montserrat, in Father Sergi’s office at his suggestion. When I visit, it will be an old friend to walk with in the mountains. I am sure that it will be a welcomed helper to other Monastery visitors.

???????Do you have old friends who willingly and supportively make the journey with you? 

My walking sticks are some of those old friends. 

Do you ever long to visit a familiar place where you have enjoyed the loving companionship of an old friend? 

Do you sometimes long to visit for the purpose of simply recalling and remembering? 

What is an important time in your life that you have not thought about in a very long time? 

or are your feelings welling up in your heart asking to be remembered? Go there. Now! 

Create time to write, journal, do some simple art, take some photos, write a poem, do something that reconnects your heart to that moment in time. 

Give yourself the sacred gift of Holy Leisure. 

Forbid your EGO to rush your heart! 

You will not be more important or earn a special honor if you continue your running here and there, becoming more and more. 

Sometimes ALL that is required, is TOTAL PRESENCE! 

Come away. Sit awhile. 

The Sacred holds you gently. 

Don’t be a nervous seeker. 

Learn to rest, to be still.

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. 

I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10,

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

How do you handle this important task: Being Still?

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At lunch, it was wonderful to see a group of Montserrat Oblates join me for the noon meal that we eat at 1:30. This group was here last Fall when the monks helped me in preparations to journey 434 km (270 mi) Camino Ignaciano from Loyola to Manresa.

It is wonderful, to see each other, to remember, to rejoice. Although there are few words we can say with our voices, it is the HOLA of our hearts that reconnects us. One of the Women whose name is Serafina did a couple of internships years ago in psychiatric hospitals in New York.  

Her 1960’s English helps all of us to communicate.

Today much of the talk is about the awful fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, France. There is worry about so many of the ancient churches that are monuments to the past and have not been well cared for over the centuries. 

Interesting how these National treasures are used and expected to lure tourists and finances into a country that takes no responsibility for their preservation.

???????I wonder if there is a country that supports the religious/spiritual edifices and institutions that support it? 

Is it possible to truly separate church and state? 

Is that similar to attempting to separate soul and body?

What are you invested in keeping separate? 

How does separation serve?

Does it serve to keep my conscious awareness separate from painful memories? 

Is that useful, meaningful service?

Lots to think about here.

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One of the ladies that I met for the first time today after lunch, explained that she watches Internet TV streaming of the monks’ prayers - the Liturgy of the Hours which includes Laudes at 7:30 a.m. and Vespres 6:45 p.m. (18:45), the 11:00 Mass is also streamed. She was excited to tell me she recognized me from the videos. It’s my hair. I cannot hide. It is like wearing a Silver Flag. I was not aware that I was being streamed all over the world.

??????? Another lesson about how we show up and if one is ALWAYS comfortable with being SEEN no matter when, where, or what one is doing. 

Huge lessons here!

Watch out! 

You never know when you are on Candid Camera? 

Is there anything you want or feel the need to hide? to keep out of public view? Bad hair day? Clothes you are or are not wearing?

Is there something you want everyone to know? 

Is it an ego surge? Is it a humbling moment?

I am thinking about my comfort level. 

Maybe I will sit in the last pew tomorrow?

What about you? 

What do you want people to know about you? 

What do you want to keep personal? 

Are there times, when hiding is all you can think about?

I’m pondering, this new realization. 

I fly thousands of miles away and am more accessible than if I lived next door. 

What is your accessibility? 

Is connection something you avoid - go away - hide from? 

I just wonder a lot about a lot of things. 

Don’t you?

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SILENCE - NO PICTURES TODAY!

2019-04-15 Holy Week Monday

Kicking and Screaming into the Gift

-versus-

Hanging On To The Tail of the Kite!

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Breakfast, typical Catalan. I have learned to eat dry toast with a small ripe tomato’s juice squeezed and spread over it. Some drizzle olive oil. Add a slice of thin flavorful meat , like salami, a slice of cheese, usually swiss. Leave as an open sandwich, no bread on top. Café con leche, dark coffee with warm milk, or without. Some mix powdered ColaCao with warm milk. I always think of Coke Cola, but it isn’t. It is chocolate. On Sundays, Chocolate is served hot with the texture of a thick cooked warm pudding “poured” into a cup for drinking before it sets. I add a little milk or coffee to make it less a pudding.

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Sister Mary Anthony from India Missions

Being the first day of Holy Week, Passion/Palm Sunday, there was a lot going on here. I wanted to be with the Mountain and was fortunate to find two hours to walk away from the pilgrims that flood the Basilica on weekends, especially for this Holy Week.

The morning began as usual with Angeles Bells at 5:45 and again at 6:00 for private prayer, 7:15 Bells and 7:25 Bells for Laudes, Morning Prayer. I join with the Monks in the Basilica for Laudes at 7:30. Of course the bells chime every hour also. There are Monastery Bells and there are City Bells. No one needs a watch here. Just pay attention to the bells and you know the time and the event by the sound of the Bells. The trick is to learn what the different number of gongs and combinations of bells mean.

Abbot Blessing Palms

8:30 was breakfast. Mass began early, 10:30 instead of 11:00 because of the Blessing and Procession of Palms from the plaza in front of the Basilica entrance. I watched from the window of my Monastic room as the Plaza was prepared with Palms and staging area set up.

This ritual commemorates the journey of Jesus of Nazareth entering the last week of his life leading into Holy Week. Holy Week is the height of Christian Holy Days culminating with Easter Sunday. Easter is a celebration of new life and ever new possibilities as known through the Cosmic cycle of life, death and new life.

Crowd Processing with Palms into Basilica

This is the reason why I have pilgrimed to the Mountain at this time. The monks invited me to come, to participate with their Spiritual Community in an immersion experience of silence and contemplation during this time of Cosmic awareness. All of Creation participates in this grand life cycle: life, death, new life. Awareness of my life, my deaths - daily and final- and my Resurrected/New Life. Hopefully, I die to some part of me every day to make way and room for the Newness that is mine to hold.

Aspects of what I am living, feel very strange to me. It is the first time since 1970’s that I am not leading some or ALL of the rituals myself as Spiritual Leader or Pastor of a Congregation. It is a lesson in letting go and receiving.

 

“Down, EGO. Relax. You are being cared for in a new way.”

The monks are good to me. Accepting my presence and welcoming my help in small tasks as these present themselves. Allowing me to move from guest to family status.

The BELLS ARE TOLLING, Mass begins in 15 minutes. Today, I forego attending. 

The usher who serves here daily, has stopped poking my shoulder to tell me NO PHOTO when he sees my Iphone. I have shown him how I use my iPhone for English translation of the prayers and Mass. He indicated to me yesterday as I entered the Basilica to attend Sunday Mass, roped off seats in the back are for the tourists. He pointed to the front section, “You go sit in the front." Again, I am experiencing the family energy of being recognized as a person who is part of the Mountain, no longer a tourist or guest.

There are times when I am permitted the deep trust of listening to the joy or the pain of someone I meet here. People do not have to speak the same tongue to know a compassionate heart.

There are many different mountains that we climb in a lifetime. Some hearts are full of Mountains to be climbed, endured. Other hearts experience the peace of knowing each Mountain as blessing and opportunity. For me, each Mountain I have been gifted, has been a Wisdom maker. Sometimes it has taken me years to recognize a particular ‘Mountain gift.’ Now, as I am older, Elder, I accept the gifts more quickly. I am releasing my stubborn edge. That means, I no longer go kicking and screaming into the ‘gift’ because I have learned to recognize the presence of Spirit leading. Relief!

My lifetime mantra, one of them: 

There is only ONE requirement: 

HANG ON TO THE TAIL OF THE KITE!

If the Kite soars, then I soar. 

If the Kite dips and dives, I dip and dive. 

If the Kite crashes, I crash. 

DON'T LET GO!

It is the Breath of Spirit, the Spirit Wind that flies the Kite. 

Spirit will raise it up again. 

My only requirement in this lifetime is to hold on to the tail of the Kite!

Who is flying the Kite, you ask? 

I ponder that question and find different understandings. 

In this moment, it is a collaboration. 

Divine Presence in me and around me holds the string if I awake to that possibility.

Trinity: Spirit Breath/Wind, Divine Permeating Presence, Collaborative Inner Guidance

Thinking about today’s Trinity I recognize that it is 

Divine holding Incarnation Mine

Do you know Trinity? 

What is it for you? 

Sometimes I hold different understandings.

How do you do your life? 

Are you bound by rules of cultural norms? 

Are you free to fly? a combination of the two? other?

What questions are stirring in your heart?

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It is a cool bright morning. 

The outdoors and the mountain outside my window call to me. 

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Ruins of St Ann Hermitage

Yesterday, I hiked many many many steps up to the Hermitage ruins of Sant Ann. See photos. I walked one hour straight up and 30 minutes to return down. I am grateful for the walking stick Father Sergi has provided for my stay. I am treated with utmost respect on the mountain when other hikers (less than half, a third, a quarter? my age) see my “walking stick” that looks like an infirmary cane! I wonder if they are thinking, “What is that old buzzard doing way up here on the Mountain?” Inside, I chuckle, mostly at myself. “What in the world am I doing way up here?”

Do you ever wonder,

“What am I doing up here?”

If not, why not?

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2019-04-13. Monastery Bells

Photo of Monastery Bell Tower as the clouds move in.

Today I am enjoying a day of solitude in my room. 

Spending time in prayer, journaling and meditative art.

I am listening to the Tower Bells as they announce the beginning of Mass. I feel their vibration course through me. It is more powerful, and I think as important, as the blood coursing through my body.

It is as if the Bells remember in me a time of elation, a time of desperation, a time of ecstasy. If one recalls past lives, I believe that my drive to spend time in Monasteries is because I am deeply connected in ways that I find impossible to express in words; perhaps past lives. I believe, it is about something that we have yet to comprehend. Maybe there are ways that one's Soul dimension is connected to ALL TIME and we all memories that may be ours from different time dimensions or may be the way we are connected to ALL TIME, past, present AND future. In some ways, it doesn't really matter. Something about these thoughts opens my heart space to consider and hold something larger than my imagination can bear.

My body and soul FEEL so incredibly the energy here on this Holy Mountain of Montserrat. I am more me and experience moments of total awareness when in this Sacred Place. This experience in no way diminishes the Sacred Space of my home in Ohio, or the myriad of Sacred Places that I have visited throughout my travels. Actually I know every place is sacred, because there is no place that isn't filled with the Christed energy, the Buddha Light, the Divine Spark of the Hindus. 

Although, it is unique in my way of being and feeling as it is for each of us. It is truly impossible for words.

I know that this visit is different from the others. Maybe it is due to the realization that I am now part of the Family instead of a Guest. I have a new found comfort here and a deep sense of responsibility to myself, to the monks and to this place and the energy of the Divine Feminine that it holds and emanates. A large part of me simply belongs here. I think that is the reason, that even with the huge barrier created by the limitations of language, I have still been able to connect in deep ways with the Community here.

The Bells are beginning to toll - OMG they are magnificent! Announcing the time for the Young Boys to share, singing praise. I hope to be able to post a recording of the Bells.

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Have you found the place where you are most at home? 

Does your Soul long for a place that you know, or you hope, exists?

What can you do about it? 

Do you want to find it? 

Does it seem out of reach?

Are you aware of a past life? 

Does it make any difference to the way you live into this life?

What questions are moving in you as you read this?

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