Monday, December 21, 2015

REVIEW ~ of revised & updated Confessions: The Making of a Postdenominational Priest

Blog review of revised and updated autobiography
Matthew Fox
Confessions
THE MAKING OF A POSTDENOMINATIONAL PRIEST

Matthew Fox, heart friend and colleague first published his autobiography on his birthday, December 21st, winter solstice 1995.  Now in 2015, on his 75th birthday Matthew has revised and updated CONFESSIONS: THE MAKING OF A POSTDENOMINATIONAL PRIEST by adding the past 18 years of his life to this incredible telling.  It is no accident that Matthew was born on December 21st, winter solstice, the day we observe creation welcoming the “new light” as days begin to lengthen.  Matthew’s birth is timely; the gift of his life, precious, a “new light” for us not only to observe but also to take to heart.

I started working with Matthew at the University of Creation Spirituality as co-director of the Doctor of Ministry Program after he published CONFESSIONS in 1995.  So the added 200 pages that tell the story of his last 18 years are much of the time that I have known him.

With the assuredness of his heart’s convictions and the undergirding by his vast intellectual capacity and extremely well read and informed mind, his creative soul insists on combining, correlating, finding, developing, sharing, leading with new metaphors, new myths that have the power to bring Christianity into a new way of being.  Matthew believes that it may be too late for organized religion as we have known it and he hopes it is.  It is time for something new.  This is a new day where all belief systems are coming together to create a new thing.   

Matthew states what he believes: Principles of Creation Spirituality (316).  In these last 18 years he has doggedly stood by those Principles in every written document, book and lecture.  He lives and breathes these Principles and challenges the Church and each of us to embrace them and begin to exemplify them.  In so doing, we might still have an opportunity to save our Earth home.               

In his Confessions we witness his courageous heart. He has a large heart and a willing persistent spirit as he demonstrates by taking on organized religion that has been amuck in patriarchy far too long. I am a woman who has been oppressed by that patriarchy. It is not only women who are oppressed.  Men suffer oppression and the poor who seek liberation suffer at the hands of patriarchy.  This oppression touches all of us.  Reading Matthew’s remarks about the need for change, his historical reporting of the papacies that have wounded the church by their actions and silencing the voice of the already oppressed.  And then, like a breath of fresh air, we witness the hopeful spirit of Matthew’s courage when Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Jesuit training, first from the Americas with intellectual curiosity and a heart for the poor is selected for the Papacy.  He chooses the name, Francis, another first. Matthew writes “Letters to Pope Francis: Rebuilding a Church with Justice and Compassion” stating his expectations for this papacy (433).  Way to go, Matthew.

I believe that Matthew Fox’s name will be recorded in history as one theologian who made a significant impact on the way that Christianity is experienced and understood in the 21th Century. He has a courageous heart; a large heart for justice and compassion; a heart that longs for justice and compassion for all of creation and he is specific to the needs of women, children and the LGBTQ community.  He puts himself on the line for the oppressed.  When I read his writing I find words for what my heart has always known and has never been able to voice.  If you are seeking to understand your own personal spiritual unrest you may very well find a comrade in Matthew’s words that are clear, firm, loving, compassionate, direct and forward reaching.

Reading these pages I experience the light of wisdom and profound care of his courageous heart.   What a relief to have such a powerful and relentless advocate!

In reading CONFESSIONS I came to think of Matthew’s Mind as a huge mansion; each room a treasure of codified knowledge garnered from personal experience as activist/prophet and from tireless hours of research.  He takes elements from each room and mixes them together in precise alchemy of the Wizard and challenges us all. One of the wonderful gifts of this book is the descriptive overviews that Matt provides for many of his books.  He lists the main points, sometimes offers an outline, or enough detail to wet the appetite and entice the reader. Each book is a work of scholarly art based on thorough research and knowledge along with his vast ability to pull all that he knows together into deep teaching that we might understand and embrace wisdom not only with our minds, but also with our hearts. 

I was surprised to learn of a Children’s book; a Seuss-like telling of the creation story, In the Beginning There Was Joy (395).

Matthew’s creative presentation is inviting, for example, when presenting Hildegard anew at the time of her canonization and being made a doctor of the church, he wants to present the power and true presence of Hildegard.  Matthew seeks a way to bring this twelfth century genius and leader into the twenty-first century.  He selects a methodology of placing Hildegard in a room with various twentieth century thinkers of note. Hildegard meets folks like Mary Oliver, Howard Thurman, Einstein, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Dorothee Soelle and the final chapter is a question: “Is Hildegard a Trojan Horse Entering the Gates of the Vatican?” (427). 


Another aspect of Matthew’s writing that I find delightful and I am thrilled to see him doing is RAPPING. Matthew shares a rap that he created for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, 2006 (405) and one that he shared at a poetry slam in Oakland, CA. on the State of the Church, 2006 (411).  They are both “stoppers!” They encourage the reader to “stop” and hold the energy of the words that stirs ones heart to justice and compassion.  They embrace ALL and that’s what I love about this “new light” that shines through Matthew Fox, a solstice child by design.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

ROME: Still My Camino

We stopped at the offices where we ordered Papal Blessings and I ordered one for my 70th birthday.  They will mail it to my house.

Then we went to the office of the Vatican Observer, the Pope's Journal/newspaper.  Jude ordered back copies for research he is doing.   Going in and out we stopped at the chapel to St. Anne.  Jude has a special devotion to Mary and her mother Saint Ann.

Then we went for a coffee and to the Metro Station to go to St. John Lateran.  This is a Basilica of St. John Baptist.  His bones are entombed there.

Then off to the Basilica of the Holy Cross.  We climbed wooden steps on our knees where the spots of Jesus blood were marked with brass plates.  Round glass [sic]---to a special reliquary and then exited down another flight of steps.

From there we got back on the Metro and made our way to the CPPS house where Jude lives-although he is a diocesan priest.

I stayed in the chapel while he was getting some of his work done.  While in chapel, one of the Order priests came in and was preparing to say Mass.  I asked if I could stay and he was eager to have me.  So this is where I was to share in the Mass today.

I stood next to the altar with him and shared deeply in the Mass that he had chosen for today, which was Saint Teresa. From oct 1st.  He invited me to do the reading which was Nehemiah 8,1-4a,5-6, 7b-12.  This reading brought me to tears.  My insides were in so much turmoil by the absence of women's presence that I was aching.  I found comfort in these words.  The priest, whose name I don't know, shared a short teaching on the scriptures that also warmed my heart.  He went out of his way to share everything in English and to help me feel comfortable.

Fr. Jude arrived at the Communion.  The priest shared his large host with me and, for the second time today, the host dipped in wine was placed on my tongue.

When all was complete we went to lunch where I was the only visitor and the only womanpriest with about 40 menpriests.  Get the picture?

Today I shared with Fr. Jude that often others encourage me to develop a special relationship or cultivate friendships.  I am aware that most whose lives intersect with mine need me to be priest, counselor, nurturing parent....these may look like friendships but they aren't.  A friendship is where both share deeply and equally.  There are simply very few people that I can be in that kind of relationship with by the nature of my call.

Fr. Jude said, "The Holy Spirit is a jealous God.  You are called to do what you are doing and being. There is no room or time for anything else."

That really got my attention.

I also have noted that several times during this lengthy time away I thought about taking experiences and thoughts home to share with my mom only to be reminded that she is not here in the flesh to share everything with as I always have.  Mom was my best friend and the Holy Spirit let me enjoy that special relationship for all of my life with her.   No wonder I miss her so much.  There is simply no way to fill that void.  There is no one who can.  So I am pondering what these next 20 years will look like???  Jude says exactly what I would say to some one who would approach me with this dilemma of the heart: "Stay open to the whims of the Spirit.  She is full of surprises."

I am experiencing the fullness and the emptiness of the dark night of the Soul. I am so full of emptiness that I have to take serious action and I need to do that as soon as possible.  It is like the opening of the book of Genesis when the Spirit hovered over the Chaos of creation putting it all in place.  The Void/the Darkness holds all manner of possibility if we just pay attention and allow the frightful process of Spirit stirring it all up and EXPECTING you/me to have a heart big enough to hold the stirring, the fire, the fermenting, the distilling.  Like a hungry child waiting in anticipation of what mom is cooking up to satisfy the deep hunger.  I must admit that the Camino hasn't concluded for me yet.  Today as I climbed the SCALA Sancta on my knees, I knew that for certain.  As I follow Jude around Rome in this whirlwind of activity, I know that.  There will always be more than I can hold.

This afternoon I have spent processing and praying in the Seminary chapel.  One of the priests came in, opened the Tabernacle so that he could sit and gaze on the Holy Sacrament that was consecrated at the Mass in which I shared this morning.  He pulled out his prayer bench and sat in profound silence for an hour or more.  All the while I was present.  He acknowledged my presence and went into his deep contemplation as I witnessed his love and adoration.  Thank God for today's opportunities for loving witness.

Response:  the precepts of the Lord give joy to the heart.
#Pilgrim

ROME - Friday, October 16, 2015

Today started early.  I was out the door by 6:45 and only way to Saint Peter's Square to meet Fr. Jude.  I planned to be 15 minutes early and I'm so glad I was .  Being there in the pre-dawn with the night lights still glowing, while Watching the sun come up was magical.  Seeing tourists coming by groups by 7:00 am to beat the crowds.  Pops Francis has a lot of crowd appeal and the numbers here are amazing.  Soon the lights went out and Father Jude arrived from the Metro.  We went through security and entered Saint Peters Basilica while watching a work crew hanging large art pieces on the from of the building using cranes and man power pulling ropes to lift the large works.  

Once inside I looked around a little.  Jude pointed out the altar to St. Gregory--there are numerous altars around the circumference of the room.  There are also altars on the lower level.  Jude met a brother Nigerian and they decided to co-celebrate--Fr. Patrick who works in the Vatican Museum.  There was a couple from Toronto, Canada present celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and the gentleman was asked to read the scripture.  Today is the feast day of St. Margaret Mary.

This is the first time in a long time that Mass was said with the priests back to me and that the host was dipped into the wine and placed on my tongue.

I celebrated the Mass with them once again feeling the harsh absence of the feminine.

After Mass, Jude had some errands to run at the Vatican.  I enjoyed following him through the winding ways, talking to Swiss Guards and maneuvering in and out of various offices.
#Pilgrim




Saturday, October 24, 2015

CERTIFICATE OF COMPLETION


(October 12,  2015)
 Here is my personalized certificate of completion.  775km completed.  Started at Saint Jean Pied du Port on September 3,2015 completed on October 8,2015.





There is much folklore in Galacia about witches and supernatural, especially nature spirits.  Dennis pointed out that with my flyaway silver hair I highly resemble this little "Brugha".  What do you think? Any resemblance?
#Pilgrim



Monday, October 12, 2015

ENJOYING WIND AND SUN


(received October 11, 2015)  
My bunk in Melide.  My hat with flowers for courage, my pack which holds all of my earthly possessions for these 6 weeks of travel, my bed sack that I made from an old flannel sheet that Jessie (my niece) had given me years ago, is spread out for a night of rest.  Must say I was always glad for the extra blankets that were available during these cold nights.

Enjoying the strong wind and the warm sun.










The COLD, the WET, and the CHALLENGES

(October 4-5, 2015)
These have been challenging days because of the weather.

We thought it couldn't get any worse than yesterday and we were wrong.  Yesterday, even with our rain covers over our packs and ponchos over that, still everything is wet.  My bed sheet was even damp last night. I put it in the dryer for a while with not much effect.  The dryers here are very different from what we have.  Took a long time to dry out all of our wet clothes. 

Today the rain poured down almost the entire time of walking.  The wind got so strong that we were nearly airborn.  I felt like a kite about to lift off!  It was really quite a challenge as we walked into the wind and were being confronted with driving rain slamming us in our faces.

We finally found a place to get in out of the weather where we stopped for something warm to eat.  The wind was so strong that, while we were outside the cafe, it blew their 4-5 foot sign over and ripped, torrentially waving the canvas awning as water poured off of it like a waterfall. 

Needless to say we were glad for a respite, however we were very cold and soaked to the skin.  We teased about this experience giving new meaning to "walking on water."  Our boots sloshed as we trod on, our pants stuck to our legs, our long sleeved clothing was drenched.  There was simply no getting away from the cold since we were so wet.

I had a couple of cups of hot tea with bacon and eggs.

We started out again when the wind and rain calmed down a bit only to have it all kick up with more ferociousness than earlier.  We were way past the point of caring about the rain since there was no way that we could be anymore wet and cold.

I can't help but wonder why this is happening now during these final days of our Camino  de Santiago?  Almost feels like a desperate attempt to keep us from succeeding.  On Saturday I visited Urgencia to see a medical doctor.  I knew I was coming down with bronchitis so I thought it best to get an antibiotic.  She agreed with me and I started taking the Medicine Saturday evening.  This weather has been even more of a challenge to my breathing and energy.   So what is this all about?

In the evening we attended the Pilgrims Mass at the Santiago Church in Melide.  The priest was amazing in the way that he welcomed all of us.  He came into the congregation to find out where everyone came from and spoke a welcome in several languages.  At the end of the Mass we all circled the altar for a blessing and sprinkling of holy water.  It was all very moving.

We connected with the mother-daughters team from Australia: Helen, Angela Hatton? And her sister.  Enjoyed a wonderful meal together and had the restaurant call the Albergue to ask what to do since we would be getting back after curfew.

Today was another day of rain and cold. I have certainly had enough of this weather.

Tomorrow is supposed to be only cloudy. We will walk to San Lazaro and James will go into Santiago to meet up with his "wee" wife.  More on that another time.  Actually there is so much that I pondered today that I have not written.

The relative ness of suffering .....

What is suffering one day is negligible in the light of the next day's challenges.

Bathroom and hall lights on timers...being left on the dark...bowing to the bathroom door!

Paths became rivers....almost lost my shoe to the mud.

I'm falling asleep.  Got to go now.

Buen Camino,
Pilgrim Carol




QUEIMADA - Witches Brew

(October 12, 2015)

This is a video of Nuno preparing the Galacia Witches Brew for us.  It is a very special warm after dinner drink presented on fire....hopefully to burn off all of the alcohol.  Experiencing these local traditions are so delightful.  With me at table are Dennis, my traveling companion and Tony, a Pilgrim we connected with a while back and have had the blessing of sharing with him once again before he heads home to British Columbia, Canada.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

MANUEL and DOCENDA

So much has been happening and I have had a time trying to keep up with it all.  I very much want to journal every awareness and I am overwhelmed by the multitude of new thoughts. Part of the problem is the technology limitations while traveling in the remote areas and having to post info when wifi is available.

Some thoughts ....

Today I walked from Sarria beginning the countdown to Santiago.  There has been much that wasn't expected ... But that's the Camino.  I have certainly learned a lot from making this journey and I know there is much to come.

Today we walked much further, and a much more difficult terrain than expected.  The climbs were steep and the villages and stopping places much further than our guidebook indicated.

We thought we would not make it.  We each carried our packs and the weight bore down on us. Our feet, our shoulders, and our backs were asking for rest.  We did stop a couple of times but it was simply not enough.  We needed to get to a refuge and we both knew it. We were no longer any help to each other.  It is an interesting dynamic to observe what happens when we believe we are out of resources and have no further options.  I observed the way we each began to round up our individual resources to make it to our destination.  When in pain, and with the fear of not making it, we became single minded.  It was difficult to consider anything accept our own needs. We became protective and lost the larger vision.

Earlier in the day as we walked through small, two house villages, we were approached by an elderly woman running out of her house calling "Ola" with a dish of freshly made crepes that she sprinkled with sugar, folded with her fingers and handed one to each of us. We were open and so cordial.  She let us take a picture of her dish of crepes but not of her.  

Manuel and Docenda

Manuel
Last evening we walked the streets meeting a couple of the Village residents.  Manuel, an elderly gentleman greeted us with a warm smile.  We interacted through the language barrier with smiles, touch and gentle inviting eyes.  I snapped a quick picture of him and showed him his likeness.  His face lit up and now he welcomed Dennis taking a picture of me with him.  It was a magical moment.  We continued on and an elderly woman who had been walking before us, in and out of shadows, as if wondering who these strangers were on this quiet back road.  She obviously saw us interact with Manuel and now she positioned herself so that we not only would see her but we would walk directly toward her.  We approached carefully, smiled and greeted her gently.  Love comes in many forms. Greeting these simple
Docenda
beautiful people who are filled with curiosity about these pilgrims from all over the world who sometimes leave the worn path and spill into the less traveled roads near their  homes is such a sacred privilege.  Again a picture, the sharing of a name, Docenda, so priceless, so intimate, so precious and then that smile beyond the smile of greeting.  That wider deeper smile that reveals one's soul and soft spots.  That's what it means to me to be a pilgrim.  It means sharing the delight of Light.  O Thankfullness!

PONDERINGS

Lit candles for loved ones I remember, hold in my heart, and miss.
(September 25-27, 2015)
We have been walking each day between 15 & 21 km.  The weather has been beautiful with cool, fall-ish mornings to very warm starting around 11:00 am.

I find that I dress very warm and protect my neck and throat from the cold.  As we walk, I remove layers one by one until I am in shirt sleeves, enjoying the warmth of the sun drying out my sweated clothing.  We have been keeping a good pace even with a stop for breakfast after a couple of hours walking.  Breakfast is usually an American "cafe con leche" and a Spanish tortilla which is like a potato and egg pie.  Then we are off for the long stretch of our walk.

The past couple of days I have been recalling so many events/experiences that are part of who I am.  What I am realizing is that it seems to be time to bring all of these  pieces together as I move into the next decade of my life.  Never before have I thought about the "what's next" piece as I have during this walking/talking/pondering/reflecting time.

It has been a rich time having no other distractions other than where to sleep and what to eat.

I have accepted the role of navigator and do the ahead bookings for places to stay.  Dennis and I are very compatible travel partners with similar needs and expectations.  He has his personal agenda as every one of us has. Along with my processing, which often involves bouncing thoughts off of Dennis, I listen to his sharing also.  We are well matched for this journey.  Similar in many ways and very different in others.  Part of his journey is taking his wife's ashes to the sea at the end of this journey and moving into a new meaningful relationship.

Here is what I have been pondering and sharing with him as I listen to myself putting together so many pieces of my reality, as my awareness that all of this is coming together in a new way, as I recall and reflect.

When I was first ordained I accepted a ten week interim before the interim call to the First Christian Church in Kent, Ohio.

My first Sunday there one of the Elders asked if I would accompany her to the nursing home where one of the members was dying.  When we arrived we were informed that the dying woman's daughter had been notified and was on her way. They were concerned that she would not arrive before her mother died.  The Elder and I were shown to the woman's room to find her breathing loud, raspy and very labored.  Without thinking about it I placed my right hand on the woman and she immediately stopped breathing. I was shaken but kept my hand there for what seemed like a very long time...thinking that she had died. Then ever so gently she resumed her breathing on a steady quiet rhythmic pattern.  My face was soaked with tears, and when I glanced at the Elder so was hers.  I closed the moment with a prayer of thanksgiving. We didn't say a word to each other as we left the room and walked down the hall.  Then, breaking our silence, I asked her what she felt.  She shared that she felt a PRESENCE in the room, and I concurred.  Our tears and the overwhelming feeling of what happened in that room was something that I will never forget. This is 30 years later and I recall it as if it were yesterday.  This was the first in several of these kinds of experiences that I have experienced now.

The next that I recall vividly is my getting to know Reverend Don Bartow's story and the impact of his personal story and journey on my life experience.

More to come.....
Lights out at the Hostal in Arstoga
#pilgrim

Thursday, October 1, 2015

BAGPIPES ALONG THE CAMINO

OMG ~ Can you believe that it is October already? And that I have been on the  Camino nearly a month?

Today I am in PortoMarin staying at the VillaMarin Albergue . It is very clean, close to the river and very pleasant .... Not what I expected at all!   The Camino is full of surprises. This morning as we were leaving the Casa de Rego where we stayed last night, we stopped to thank the family- Lorenzo and Carol- for a wonderful welcome and absolutely fantastic food. Lorenzo is a great chef and told us yesterday that he cooks from his heart.  He really does.  Everything was incredibly prepared.  So as we were leaving, about 7:30 this morning, he pulls out a bottle of Liquor de Herbios and pours a shot glass for Dennis and one for me.   Now I have been watching people drink beer for breakfast on
a regular basis and I must admit that I never expected to enjoy an after dinner liquor after BREAKFAST.

Yesterday on our very long walk we heard bagpipe music floating in the air.  The Galacian area that we are now walking through has Celtic ancestry.  We have been enjoying all kinds of wonderful music in the cafes as we travel.  I remarked to Dennis that the bagpipes that we were hearing didn't sound like a recording .   The music became more clear as we meandered down the wooded trail.  Then there he stood bagpipes melodiously bellowing beautiful sounds throughout the serene countryside filled with picture perfect scenes everywhere we looked.  His name is Danny and he lives in Sarria.  He told us that the pipes he was playing where different from the Scottish pipes and even explained some of the physical differences.  He told us the name of these special Celtic pipes and then he began to play once again.  He plays for the Pilgrims to help during this long way of the journey.  As we walked on we continued to hear the melodious strains of a couple more tunes.

#PILGRIM

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

CATHEDRAL CONCERT

Sept 24 evening. Camino de Santiago.

We met up with the other group of travelers that we started out with. It was wonderful to see each other.  We truly miss traveling together every day but we have had to separate in order to accommodate our different traveling abilities, which includes length of legs and youthful vitality and speed.

We went to the Medieval Fair in Leon near the Cathedral in the old quarter.  Dinner was wonderful with lots of different dishes.  We were celebrating one of the women's birthday that is December 22?  I don't understand it either.


We learned that there is the first concert in a series of concerts on the Cathedral organ which was installed on Sept 2013. We are standing in the line that is extremely long around the Cathedral waiting to enter. The artist, Jean-Baptiste Monnot is rated as a genius and the program is strenuous.  So we are excited to be in this crowd that is gathering. The admission is free.  Hopefully we won't fall asleep from too much food.

When we went in we noticed that the Cathedral organ is in the rear of the building and folding chairs were set up to accommodate those who came to listen.  The entire center section was roped off as for special guests.  It was time to start and most of those center chairs were still vacant. Where we were, a pillar blocked our view so I went to the attendant and asked to be let through to the center seating.  She let me right through.  I signaled for Dennis to join me and under the rope he came.

The seats were perfect. We could see and hear the performance that was exquisitely done.  There were two encores and much applause.  Monnot really made the organ sing.

What a find.  What a blessing. Hearing this gorgeous concert in Cathedral of Leon...for free.  A Camino gift for sure!

PC
#pilgrim

Friday, September 25, 2015

IN ARCAHUEJA, JUST OUTSIDE OF LEON

(09/23/15)

Last night we stayed on Mansilla de las Mulas. We lodged at the Municipal Albergue which housed 76 of us in 8 rooms.  There were at least 24 in our room in bunk beds, which is the norm.  I always ask for lower bunk so I won't fall on anyone during the night when making my way to the "banyo" in the dark.

This Albergue was a lot of fun. A wonderful mix of people.  Stephano from Italy played guitar and sang with a beautiful girl on each side singing along with him.  After each song all of us in the courtyard surrounded by our hanging laundry cheered them on to yet another song.  The kitchen was quite busy with lots of folks preparing dinner from scratch.  The aromas were incredible .  Stephano waited till nearly 21:00 ----can you figure out the 24 hr clock that is commonly used here ----to cook his chicken with fresh mushrooms and sauce.  His friend from France was starving but the kitchen was maxed out with cooks.  I was glad that we had eaten earlier,  however, several of the youngsters offered me food.  I think I will go down in history as the only pilgrim who gains weight.   We are fed a lot and all along the Way there are three course Peregrino meals offered.  These are quite substantial!

Today we walked about 12 km to Arcahueja.

Tomorrow we will explore Leon.

I walked with Ron from North Carolina and Dennis walked with Ron's wife, Cindy.  I learned that Cindy is a "disciple" of Joan Chittister and Matthew Fox....so we had a lot to talk about.

Today I received a reminder message from Sisters Ann and Di who direct the Oblate program at Mount Saint Benedict in Erie, PA.  I feel so blessed to be making my Oblate commitment in absentia while walking the Camino.   This relationship with the Monastery is one of the most precious at this time of my life. I have been pondering my commitment which is threefold: to be present for prayer and ministry a minimum of 10 times during 2016.   I have also asked to help support Sister Joan's ministries in some way....to be discussed.  The third is to continue teaching and leading contemplative prayer opportunities.

I know that this Camino time is a time of discernment for me as I step into a new decade of life in my wisdom years.   I want very much to make these years fruitful, meaningful and productive.   I have a huge amount of experience that could be beneficial to MSB if they feel inspired to create space for what I have to share.  Yes, this Camino is very much about what is to come and so far I am filled with joy at the prospects.  So there are times of deep soul searching and there are times of recalling and re-membering, times to feel sorrow and loss, even lost, and times to be elated, joyful and on top of the world.

This morning we stopped at a small Cafe for something warm to drink along the cold way.  Each one who entered, no matter our language or our country of origin, smiled to hear the beautiful waltz music that greeted us.  The waiter was cleaning off tables so that we could each have a few moments rest while we sipped warm chocolate or "cafe con leche".  As he cleared our table and we stood to reclaim our backpacks, I motioned to him to put the dirty dishes down.  When we communicated beyond our language barriers with the music of our hearts he held me in his arms and we waltzed!  Oh my, Camino, I am breathless in your arms.

Pilgrim Carol


RE-MEMBERING

(09/22/15)
Reflections on Sept 20.

Some important thoughts, sharing as we walked that I want to ponder and re-member.

As we walked to Carrion or perhaps the village before Carrion, I wandered into places and feelings that I had left abandoned years ago.  I have no idea what brought it all to awareness.

I recalled and then re-membered vividly the years that I was blessed to live, love and learn during the years of my life enriched by my experience of convent life.  Recalling is just that: bringing the experience(s) to mind.  Re-membering is taking the recall into a place of healing, organizing the dismembered fragments into the bigger picture that encourages a deeper clarity.  So as we walked I shared some poignant moments of my lived experience.  I was so young and so very vulnerable.  Trusting and believing that all around me was saturated with goodness that I was shocked when my life which I so dearly loved at the Villa was turned upside down and inside out by circumstances that were beyond my ability and naĂŻvetĂ© of youth to manage.

These events tore me away from the farm work to which I had been assigned and loved.  I was sent to Cleveland and the damaging, diminishing, destructive rumors/untruths followed me.  When I realized the destructive nature of the circumstances I feared that my dream and cherished reality of convent life had been destroyed beyond re-membering, beyond reconstructing - at least for this time on my life.

I was sadly right about that and chose to leave this expression of my Call.  I know that Mother Superior was distraught at my decision and attempted on three occasions to influence my decision.  She went so far as to invite my mom and dad to a meeting where she expressed to them her sadness and disapproval of my choice to leave.

The Universe is good.  That loving force of the Universe that some call God, the Holy Spirit, was preparing me for a lifetime that I could never have imagined.   I have been blessed with hard lessons that I could not understand at the time and sometimes even waved my fist at God. What I know now is that these lessons have been my most profound teachers and the expression of God's deep abiding love and presence in my life.

Now, this is a Camino moment.
#pilgrim

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

BAD CONNECTION

Buen Camino!

Today I walked a little over 15km.

We started out this morning just before 7:00 am. It was very dark out and very hazy.  We walked a couple of hours and the fog didn't lift.  All morning the fog accompanied us.  At first I was concerned because my flashlight wouldn't work.  We couldn't go anywhere without light.  I replaced the batteries with new ones and still it wouldn't work.  I looked at it more closely following the arrow indication as to how the battery pack was to slide in.  Still no success.   Then I found that the flashlight also twisted apart at the other end which means that the battery pack would slide in a different direction.  So much to learn about Light, direction, when to seek with a different/deeper question.

I decided to save all of the batteries.  There was nothing wrong with the Source of power only with the way I was attempting to connect with it.
Now there is a lesson.  There is nothing wrong with the Universal Source of Light, Life, and Power, only with the way I attempted to connect.  So what does that mean for each of us?

God is ALWAYS there for each and every one of us.  Check your connections.  Sometimes I need to think new thoughts and sometimes I need to brace myself for the powerful jolt of new Light into my ordinary and dimly lit reality.  God/the Universe has so much more for me.....and for you than we are willing to accept.   What is wrong with us?  Bad connection?  Got things twisted up and backwards?

Is it time to check?

Obviously it is for me.

Much love and Light....from your highest Power.
Pilgrim Carol

Saturday, September 19, 2015

BUEN CAMINO!

(09/19/15)
One important lesson I have learned is that there is more than one way to make this journey.  The Camino is unique to each of us.

This morning I received a message that my cousin's husband, Frank Artino has died.  My cousin, Jessie, and I were born just months apart.  We shared more contact as children but as families came our interests grew apart. Now we see each other at funerals.  Isn't it interesting that moments of great loss bring us together?  Here on the Camino I face the beauty of life along with its fragility.  I have offered to carry prayer intentions during this pilgrimage and have added my cousin's loss and moments of fragility at the loss of her life partner.

Yesterday during our 20km walk a bright blue butterfly led the entire way.  I wondered what beloved spirit was accompanying me on this portion of the Camino.  I felt my mother's presence and also my husband and father.

I walked into the church and heard one of the pilgrims singing so beautifully.  I was in the nave and he was on the ancient balcony.  When he paused I began to sing the Ave Maria. He smiled and joined in harmony.  We sang a bit of spontaneous polyphony.  On the Camino, strangers heart to heart in one song.   Nameless to each other.  Language separating our minds but powerfully one in that moment..... So I thought. This morning a woman, Bobbi from Canada asked me if I was the woman singing in the church....an eternal moment perhaps.

Buen Camino!  Is our greeting to one another.  We hear it many, many times a day.  So now knowing that our lives and our deaths are all part of our personal Camino, a wish you, Buen Camino!

Pilgrim Carol

WHILE IN BURGOS - Comfort of Strangers

(09/16/15)
I have learned that the reason I am having trouble carrying my backpack is that it simply doesn´t fit my body. I tried on one of the other pilgrim´s pack and discovered that men and women´s packs are actually shaped differently and the one I am using creates too much weight for me because of the way it fits me. 

I spent yesterday walking all over Burgos from store to store in the attempt to find a different back pack and then send this one home. I was crossing a street in an area that I did not know yet and was searching for yet another store. An older womam - probably my age, caught my eye as I came across the street. If we could have communicated I would have made friendly conversation - but I know that is impossible so I kept moving on with my backpack on my back. I stopped a young woman storekeeper who was sweeping the street walk in front of her store to ask for directions. She began to speak quickly and I was having trouble getting the gist of the directions. By this time the older woman caught up and the two of them had a bit of a conversation. I was feeling a bit overlooked and then humbled when I realized that I was the subject of their conversation. The older woman reached for my hand, the younger woman said to me, ¨She will take you.¨ I wept. She frequently reached for my hand or arm and guided me like a child across streets and down unknown paths until she stood me directly in front of the door and nudged me inside. My heart was overflowing with gratitude. It didn´t even matter that there was nothing at this store either. What matter was the love that was literally taking me by the hand and guiding me through a maze of unknowns. 

Something else that has truly been running through my mind. I have become aware of how comfortable I can become with a situation as I come to know and trust it. It doesn´t even matter if I am in a poor place, a difficult surrounding. Because I know it and it is familiar I find that I am less wanting to separate myself from it. This has given me a new sensitivity to those who find comfort in what they have come to know as their faith and then find it so frightening to think of anything in a way that is not comfortable even if it is freeing and redeeming. I met a pilgrim yesterday and we spent a lot of time together and I realized that we were supposed to meet. I helped her with some spiritual concepts that she hadn´t considered before. What I noticed was that she was hungry, maybe even starved for what we talked about. She would be making some serious shifts and tears filled her eyes on several occasions. Tears are good. They clense and while blurring our vision, open the paths of new understanding - new ways of seeing. 

I think my time on this computer at the Library is up. So long for now. Continue to pray for all of us in the Wind of the Spirit as we continue the journey wherever it leads. 

Pilgrim Carol

BLOWING INTO BURGOS

(09/16/15)
I am working on a Spanish computer and can´t even find the @ sign. I continue to stay today in Burgos. The winds are at a dangerous speed with huge gusts. Pilgrims are flooding into the City to get out of the high wind and gusty rain. I have come to the Biblioteche to use the computer and to see what the Library here looks like. Only difference that I can determine is that I can´t read anything here in the Library - even the computer keyboard is different. What remains quite consistent is the patience and the care from the people. 

On my way here I heard the Church Bells of San Lesmes the Patron of Burgos and I stopped in for noon Mass. I should say I was BLOWN in. The wind is so strong that I think it is PĂȘntecost again! Or, maybe STILL. When it was time to receive Holy Communion the huge ancient pillars seems to quietly breathe soft mysterious chimes and it evolved into soft electronic harpsichord music. It was delightful and peaceful - lifting of spirits. 

So far along with the walking, getting lost, wandering in wilderness, love of companions, patience of natives, impossibilities of language barriers, ancient presence of ancestral spirits, meeting people from all over the world, walking as best friends with those I have just met, caring for those much younger and in much worse physical shape than myself, having to send my dearest friend home, realizing that I need to claim my Camino and do it a new way starting now. All of this has been my Camino till now. With the realization that I need to slow down my pace and do what I can in a good way. It is interesting that with every step that I match with others I still continue to fall behind. Next life - longer legs. Now instead of feeling pressured to keep up I will slow and allow myself some breathing room. I feel that I have stayed too long here in Burgos. I want to move on and hopefully the winds will let up tomorrow and I can move on. I have set a goal now of 10-15km a day and if I feel like doing more I will. 

The biggest problem has been that one must get to the next destination around noon if you want a bed for the night. So if I go less km I will get somewhere in time for a bed. I wonder about this conundrum. If I have no bed what would happen? I have seen pilgrims turned away. I have seen pilgrims given a space on the floor with no mattress. I don´t know. This is such a unique experience for me. When money and reputation, can not buy a space. I have come to a deeper understanding of the Christmas story. What it is truly like to have NO PLACE, NO SPACE to go. I would be happy with a stable and that could very well be a place for me one night on the Camino. So where will the winds blow me? When I am walking I think of so many things that I want to remember to write down. And when I finally find a place to sit I think of very little of the day´s ponderings. Today it is about the power of the Wind. One of my Native teachers is Grandfather BearHeart who wrote his life story: The Wind Is My Mother. He communicated with the Wind and she protected him and us during a time when I was with him on Vision Quest and a Tornado force wind came right through our camp. When Grandfather drummed and sang to the WIND she lifted off the ground and there where newspaper reports of the devastation of homes in the path before our camp and then after our camp. We received a huge deluge of rain, but no one was injured by the high winds. Often I think of the Wind of the Holy Spirit. I was first ordained on Pentecost which is deeply meaningful for me - the day that the tongues of fire and the wind came to the Apostles. After my Mother died and I was in very deep grief I begged the Universe for healing from the overwhelming grief and I was given a message that my mother would come to me in the Wind. And she did. So now I know that the Wind is also my Mother. And the Fire of Pentecost is another story for another time. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

LOST

We left before 5:00a.m.  I was hoping for starry sky but the clouds had come in. During the night I looked out the window of our Albergue in Azofra and the sky was clear and filled with stars. I continue to long for our early morning walk to be blessed with millions of stars.

This morning the Camino had something much different in store for us.  We set out following the familiar yellow shells and bright yellow arrows.   As we walked on we noticed that we weren't seeing the familiar markings. All three of us had our headlamps lit looking for some direction.  Joel got his phone out and opened the Camino app with the map on it and we began to follow it although we were doubtful.  This experience was very scary and I was extremely grateful that I wasn't wandering alone out here.  I was placing a lot of trust in my two companions until after wandering in the wilderness for about 90 minutes we found our way blocked by an electronic fence that was securely locked.  All we could do was turn around with the hope of retracing our steps and finding another way out of this maze of farm roads.

We came to a T in the road and made a guess to turn left.  It is still quite dark out.  Around 7:45 we saw other pilgrims' headlamps behind us.  WHEW!  That was really scary and now we are getting tired after all of the climbing and descending.

We are now on the way to Ciruena where we lost Maribel who walked on ahead of us.  I was feeling nauceous and had to stop for a rest and a bit of food and water.  After a brief rest we walked through the town and visited the Cistercian Hostel.

We then continued on our way.  I had become very tired with all of the extra walking and climbing and my hips and knees were beginning to ache and my water was running out. The Camino doesn't want to hear about that though and our only option was to continue on.  Finally we saw Granon in the distance and although we still had a couple of large hills to transverse I knew I would get there.

Each day brings different challenges.  I am learning at all levels of my being and I am being tested at every level also.

One of the gifts I bring, and have shared with others, is the gift of healing.  There are many deeply wounded, especially from Earth Mother's demands on us.  I have been teaching hands on healing such as healing touch and other modalities.  The young doctor to be who is one of my traveling mates was amazed that after I shared some healing with her and taught her to do the same she did not need the Ibuprophen or the anti inflammatory cream that she had been using on her knees.  I am grateful to be helping a budding physician to be open to Universal energy that some of call God's Grace.

Buen Camino,
Pilgrim Carol

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

ALONG the CAMINO

(09/06/15) I walked Friday, Saturday and today, Sunday. It was around 3 miles yesterday and today! Feel good! Sore, but good!  Staying at Albergue of Jesus and Mary in Pamplona.  Tired - resting now.   Nice  city.  Going for dinner later.

(09/07/15) Today my backpack was lost.  Now they found it and I am waiting after walking 15 miles up and down a mountain to Puente La Reina.   I am walking a lot alone and I love it.  Lots of sun and beautiful breezes.

(09/08/15) I am in Estella today and had time to walk around and find the Benedictine Monastery.  I am staying with them tonight. I will celebrate Mass with them at 7:00 pm and share dinner at 8:30 tonight.

(09/09/15) Barty is a service dog helping his Human walk the Camino.  At night he starts out sleeping under the bed.  By the middle of the night he has scooted to the small space between our bunk beds.  In the wee hours of morning he snuggles up near his human stretched out in comfort.....a Small reward for making this long and quite hazardous journey.  Barty is teaching us all about commitment and true love.  We need more Barty teachers.


Doing laundry on the Camino is quite different from what most of us are accustomed to.  Here a couple of Pilgrims are wringing out their dripping wet clothes and will hang them to dry in hopes that the morning brings dry clothes.


It's the little things that matter out here on the Camino where everyone is taking care of each other.  There is so much to learn as we watch people from all over the world loving each other at this incredibly deep level of care. 

There are nervous pilgrims with injuries from steep climbs and descents on miles of slippery rocks.  Some are taking days of rest to heal. Some are having packs transported ahead. When my bag was lost by the transport company many pilgrims were concerned and offered help when I became upset, because everything that I brought with me was lost.  I didn't have a sleeping bag.  NOTHING!  One of the pilgrims asked me, "don't you know that we will all take care of you?"  My goodness this is a lesson in Beloved Community...a confusing mix of relief, exhilaration and humility.

Pilgrim Carol