Yes, I missed posting yesterday.
This is the end of the story. In order to fully understand this piece, I recommend you go back and read the two Reflections that precede this one.
After the intense discernment process to simply say yes to an on-site interview with the search committee, my husband, Frank and I arrived in El Paso, Texas.
I was taken to the church to meet with the search committee and Frank was taken “away” with one of the members to pick up some things at the grocery store. All I heard about was the ice cream cones they had while on their adventure. Remember, this is El Paso, where the sun is fierce. They had to stand in the grocery store and eat their ice cream or they would have been wearing it.
The Committee and I met in one of the very well-kept beautiful rooms of the church. I wasn’t certain that I wanted this pastorate. I decided that I would be completely honest about what kind of a pastor I was. I thought if I was completely honest, they wouldn’t call me. I wasn’t sure we would be a good match. My thinking was influenced by the location of the church. I believed that the folks here would be in a much different place theologically and philosophically than I was because of the influences of the cultures that nurtured us.
I told them about Drumming Circles, Native American Earth Based philosophies, Creation Spirituality, and on and on. Every time I thought I was sharing something that they would see as a red flag one of the women would say, YES! - kind of like a cha-ching! if you know what I mean. I was sinking fast. I could see that they were interested and nothing like I dreamed they might be as a church family.
One of the men, Bill Houston, who later became my husband’s best friend, asked me about my musical background. They each had a copy of my Profile and he was referencing it. I affirmed that I was a musician. My first degree was in music. He told me a little about the very talented musicians that the church was blessed to have. Young people from the nearby University. That sounded very good to me.
Then he asked me to do something that I never expected.
He said, “You have a Catholic background and you are a musician.
Could you sing the Ave Maria for us?”
I was a bit stunned.
I could feel the others watching and waiting to see my reaction to this strange request.
He said, “There is a piano in the next room if you need it.”
I said, “No. I would like to sing the Gregorian Chant setting of the Ave Maria. That is best done without the piano.”
I sang.
It is a beautiful chant.
There was deep silence.
The deed was done.
I was offered the position
and every year after that, on Mother’s Day,
I was asked to sing the Ave Maria.
What I learned:
Don’t prejudge. Don’t determine how something will be.
Confront the uncomfortable and find the blessing.
What are you keeping yourself from experiencing because you think you already know the outcome? Are you afraid to take action because you might be hurt? How will you know, if you don’t step into the moment instead of dancing around it?
I have struggled with my “split mind” for years. My Catholic Mind and my Protestant Mind. I can’t help but be formed from my Catholic upbringing and my years in the Convent. What I have learned is that the combination brings a depth and a richness to my work with all kinds of people. But I must say that I truly didn’t expect to ever be asked to sing the Ave Maria during an interview. And never thought that would become a “tradition” for Mother’s Day. This was a Protestant Church - and from the short years of experience I had with Protestantism I knew that Mary was not a focus of their spirituality. Inwardly I rejoiced. I love Mary.
What about you? What is your struggle? What splits your mind and causes you confusion and the tendency to stand back instead of dive in? Is there something you love that you are afraid you might lose?
These years taught me a lot about showing up in the truth of who I am. All of the Full Moon meditations on the ROOF of the Church! The collaboration with the nearby Unity Church to build the Labyrinth on the front lawn of the church.
What truth are you hiding that needs to sparkle and show itself? What is the collaboration that will strengthen your resolve to show up in your fullness?
Lots of questions and soul searching today.
Take some time. Do some thinking. I’d like to hear from you.
Let me know how things are going for you.
Be well,
Till next time,
Carol
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